Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Plaka Cafe: Still Open, Still Disgusting

Originally published in D-Tales here.

$1.5 million dollars in tax evasion later, and the Plaka Cafe is still open. Now, who knows how long this will last--the owners could go the route of La Shish and flee the country with a few mil. (Actually, they can't--they've already been arraigned and are currently out on bail--and I GAR-RON-TEE you they can't leave the country, much less the state.) When the feds raided the place in December of 2006, they found more than $700,000 in cash stashed away inside the restaurant. Further investigation yielded a decade's worth of unfiled taxes. If owners Thomas Karadimas and Constantinos Karadimas are found guilty of all pending charges, this will turn out to be the largest case of tax evasion in Michigan's history (take THAT, La Shish!).

Late-night drunken diners, fear not: Plaka Cafe remains open at this time, though one can always speculate if it will remain so if both owners end up in the clink. After an evening of heavy boozing, one can still hit up this 24-hour coney island for some of the best worst food in Detroit.

No, really, the food here is actually quite nasty, but since it is really one of the only late-night options in the city, they maintain a very steady client base of hungry drunks.

(WHY you wouldn't just hit up White Castle is beyond me. There's one on Michigan Ave., not too far west of downtown proper. If you're in Midtown, there's McDonald's. And don't give me that "I don't want to drive anywhere" crap--how the hell else are you getting home to the 'burbs?)

From the rumor mill: apparently Plaka, much like many of the other spots in Greektown, has rumored Greek mob ties...I know, I know, I've been flinging around a lot of mob accusations lately, but apparently if there's one thing that our culturally diverse metropolitan area is good at, it's crime syndicates and terrorist affiliations. I can't make this shit up, people. No wonder our local FBI branch needs a new building...

Also from the rumor mill: apparently there was a Blind Pig upstairs? As in, drinking in a public place illegally after hours and witnessing all sorts of illegal dealings in the form of gambling, drugs, and perhaps even prositution? I wanna see; I wanna see!!!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Zaccaro's Still Set to Open

Originally published in D-Tales here.

After some general hullabaloo over liquor licensing for retail sales and some very technical blah blah blah legalese, Zaccaro's Market is still set to open this month. March 31st is the date (yes, that's also the Tigers Home Opener, so plan accordingly), and as far as owner Cindy Warner has been instructed, this date is solid. The licensing needed to sell beer and wine on the premises should be in place, and all will be well in the world of gourmet grocery shopping in the D.

As noted before, there will be an impressive selection of imported meats and cheeses, a full-scale bakery, a center kitchen area at which cooking classes will be offered, pre-made meals prepared by executive chefs, and more to tickle your culinary delights.

After some fear that the opening would be held up indefinitely, it appears that everything is finally in place...I'll see you at the cheese counter!

Monday, March 3, 2008

La Shish No More

Originally published in D-Tales here; edited for content.

Popular Middle Eastern restaurant chain La Shish closed its doors yesterday. 11 metro Detroit locations, the Dearborn headquarters, and 305 employees were affected by this decision. After nearly 3 years of bad publicity and whispered ties to Hezbollah (defined by the American government as a Lebanese terrorist group), the chain finally went under due to nearly $12 million dollars in owed taxes.

When the feds raided the home and headquarters of owner Talal Chahine in April 2005 seeking evidence of tax fraud, Chahine fled the country with $20 million skimmed from the business to dodge his indictment, sticking his wife, Elfat Al Aouar, to face both the tax evasion charges as well as her own charge of immigration fraud (turns out that the marriage wasn't one based on love and committment--and I guess when you marry someone to help them get a green card, it's morally acceptable to bail on them when you're slapped with some serious federal offenses).

Since then, the restaurant chain has been at the center of some serious rumor-mongering, with the purported Hezbollah ties causing the most gasps. Just last week, El Auoar was sentenced to 90 days in jail for immigration fraud, to be served consecutively with an 18-month sentence for tax evasion. Her citizenship was, naturally, revoked. Ah, the things we'll do for love. Or, the things we'll do for a green card when your husband flees the country and leaves you standing there with a dumbfounded expression on your face as the feds raid your home.

[Edit]

Getting back on topic (I'm a big fan of the digressive rant), it's a shame La Shish had to close. This restaurant chain popularized Middle Eastern cuisine for the non-Middle Easterners of metro Detroit, and was quickly becoming a staple in the diet of many metro Detroiters (in the Free Press article, a woman is interviewed bemoaning her loss, saying "Now what am I going to eat?", and I know many others who will say the same). It was just one more thing that made our metro area more of a cultural melting pot...now it's just one more thing to give Detroit a bad rep.

I will miss the Fatoush, though.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Harbor House in Detroit

Originally published in D-Tales here.

East-side mainstay (Macomb County represent!) Harbor House has finally opened a second location, and this one is in Detroit.

The Harbor House in Clinton Township (on what I like to refer to as the barren wasteland that is Groesbeck, nearby other mysteriously long-running and lone-standing establishments such as the Rusty Nail Saloon and Chaplin's Comedy Club) has been open for 35 years now. Detroiters who might have never once ventured to the east side might still be familiar with the Harbor House, as they tend to make an appearance at every major food-related event (like Taste Fest...sorry, CityFest) and summertime festivals in the city. This is a pretty classic seafood, chicken, and ribs kinda place. Nothing too stand-out here; your culinary senses won't be set atingle by any means, but they're good for a nice old-fashioned American-style hearty meal of meat and deep-fried, butter-soaked fish.

The Harbor House is set up in the old Cock 'n Bull location at 440 Clinton Street (it's about time something else opened there...but please, a moment of silence for the fabulous and short-lived Cock 'n Bull). 'Tis a good place to grab a burger on a lunch break or before a Tigers game (Opening Day is 39 days away! Do you have your tickets yet? Speaking of which, I'd better make sure I have mine...). They're also really big on All-You-Can-Eat Seafood, which is really a good deal if you go on an empty stomach and eat your weight in crab legs. There are also 4 different levels of "All-You-Can-Eat," so if you don't quite want to fork over the dough for King Crab you can still have a big, bottomless meal of London Broil steak, shrimp, deep-fried mushrooms, and more--and at about half the price.

Parking in that 'hood sucks, though--just figured I would warn you.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Not Much "Rocks" About the Hard Rock Cafe

Originally published in D-Tales here.

This past Friday, the Detroit Guerrillas headed out to "get rocked at Hard Rock." The turnout was impressive--we had the bar area packed and the 3 bartenders hustled all night long--but the atmosphere? Bleh.

Let it be known that the Hard Rock Cafe is one of my least favorite bars in all of Detroit. Why? Well, this is Detroit's first (and please God please let it be only) foray into corporate restauranteuring. With the exception of the occassional Subway or Au Bon Pain, most restaurants in Detroit are independently owned and operated (and I cannot begin to express just how this has helped shape the dining culture of Detroit, so often underrated but so unique and creative in its own right). Hard Rock is the big glaring exception here, and it shows. Boy, does it show.

There's nothing quite like a corporate executive chef cranking out menus from his office suite in California and ensuring all food items are ordered from the same vendors around the world so as to create a a sense of consistency throughout all franchises, offering travelers a sense of security as they traipse through foreign lands, unsure of what to eat for fear of not being able to read the menus and accidentally ordering something too exotic for their palette, until they see the beacon of the neon Hard Rock guitar sign, creating a sense of familiarity and a feeling of home. Yes, there is little the (American) foreign traveler enjoys more than feeling a sense of home in their meal options. This is the ultimate in McTravel Syndrome. This is the crowd the international chain of Hard Rock Cafes panders too. And yay for Detroit for being able to share in this homogenizing experience.

First of all, by Hard Rock Cafe standards, ours just sucks. You would think the birthplace of Motown, Madonna, Eminem, techno music as a genre, rock legends such as Bob Seger and Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, and garage rock as it is known today (with thanks to the White Stripes) would have a lot to show off. Yeah, you would think that. But it doesn't. No, it sure doesn't. A couple of framed publicity stills, maybe an outfit here or there, and a handful of guitars comprises the HRC Detroit collection. Oh, but there is a huge stained glass mural of KISS--who weren't even from Detroit.

Secondly, much like for the midwesterner in Taipei looking for something to eat that will agree with his meat-and-potatoes intestines, the surbanite who wanders into Detroit for a sporting event or for ice skating with the kiddies at Campus Martius will find himself comforted by the neon sign of familiarity (as he has undoubtedly dined at HRCs in Florida on family vaca or Hawaii on his honeymoon). Rather than explore the many other fine dining gems the city has to offer, he goes for what he knows: the Hard Rock Cafe. And to commemorate this experience in the (hush of awe) city, he'll even buy his daughters souvenir T-shirts.

This is the crowd you get at the Hard Rock Cafe.

The menu--good old deep-fried American fare in too-large portions, topped off with ooey-gooey decadent desserts. It's all tasty, don't get me wrong. And as tasty as it is here, it will be exactly the same wherever else in the world one might wander into an HRC. The drinks are way overpriced (2 souvenir-sized beers with 3 refills was $60.00), and the liquor/beer selection is nothing to be impressed by.

The music--okay, I like the music, and they did offer a nice mix of lesser-known metal bands (amongst the corporate rock giants). However, in the 50 years of rock-and-roll the HRC is supposed to be celebrating, they could probably mix in something pre-2002 every once in awhile. How about some Stones? Or the Smiths, that would be cool! But no. Lots of Linkin Park. The Killers. Franz Ferdinand. Sevendust. All new and hip. Nothing that revers the history of rock.

The inside is loud, the clientele irritating, the memorabilia disappointing, the food generic, the drinks expensive...there is really no reason to ever go here ever, unless you need to pander to your own suburbanite friends who need to feel "safe" (both in terms of location and parking as well as food options) when visiting the city--their own understanding of an exotic foreign land.

Tell them to buy a T-shirt to commemorate their foreign travels. It can be added to their collection, right next to the Orlando and Chicago HRC T's.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I <3 Enoteca

Originally published on D-Tales here.

Have I said I love Enoteca before on this blog? Because I do. I really do.

Detroit's newest (and ONLY) wine bar is the perfect place to duck into for an after-work beverage, a quick lunch, a first-drink destination on a first date, a night out with friends, or a night solo looking for some good company.

I love this bar.

Not only is it the only bonafide wine bar in Detroit, it is hands-down the only wine-and-cheese bar in the WHOLE tri-county region.

Vinoteca in Royal Oak? Fuck that place. It started out being really cool, with a really interesting and eclectic menu, and then quickly became all Royal-Oakified--meaning that whatever was once original and unique about the joint quickly became subsumed by generalization and overpricing.

Aside from them, most "wine" bars in the tri-county area don't even offer a cheese plate, and if they do it is lackluster at best.

But not Enoteca. At Enoteca, cheese is the culinary spotlight, and the wine is the halogen lighting it all. Not only do they offer some of the basics--Provolone, Ricotta Salata, Parmigiano Reggiano, Grafton Cheddar--but they also have some very tasty, hard-to-find "boutique" artisanal cheeses, cheeses such as Pecorino Toscana (my personal favorite), a very fine La Mancha Manchego, Idiazabal, Roquefort, Double Gloucester, and a perfectly creamy & kickin' Gorgonzola.

Cheese is indeed my chocolate, and I like to promote anything that promotes the power of cheese at every opportunity. It's no small wonder that when I first walked into Enoteca at the end of December, a mere few weeks after they opened, that I felt I had come home.

There is also a fine meat, salad, panini, and bruschetta selection; they even serve Osetra Russian Caviar (it's $120.00/oz., but what did you expect? and where else in the city can you find that?).

In addition to that, Enoteca also features a fine selection of Rabbit Lane (i.e., Michigan-made) chocolates--truffles and the like--as well as an impressive and reasonably-priced wine list with some truly knock-out selections.

And as if all that weren't enough, the staff is also incredible. You think they might be snooty since they work in a ritzy marble-lined wine bar? Shame on you for your assumptions. You couldn't hope to find a more laid-back and hospitable group of people in even the most welcoming "hood" bars, and they know their shit to boot. You want to know about wine? They'll show you. You don't know anything about wine? Well, they won't make you feel like it. Hospitality and sharing are the big practices here--there is no Royal-Oakey wine-snobbery or one-upmanship to be found. They'll share their favorites and cater to your tastes until you're satisfied--and offer good conversation in the meantime.

If you're there past 4:00PM, ask for Stacey or John. Absolutely fabulous people; when I first met Stacey, I decided right then and there she was my new BFF. (And now when I go more than a week without making an appearance, she asks me where I've been.)

This isn't even my formal review of the place, but just a snapshot. It is absolutely fantastic, and I give it my highest recommendations to locals and suburbanites alike. For a wonderful glass of wine in an atmosphere that none other compares to, do check out Enoteca Campo Marzio.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Detroit Synergy Supper Club at Enoteca

Originally published in D-Tales here.

This just in (and is the second of a 3-part installment I will refer to simply as "I <3 Enoteca"):

PRESS RELEASE

February Supper Club at the New Enoteca Campo Marzio!

DETROIT, February 7, 2008–Detroit Synergy is very excited to announce the latest Supper Club outing at Enoteca Campo Marzio, inside the First National Building overlooking Campus Martius!On Wednesday, February 20, from 6:00-8:00PM, join Detroit Synergy as we wine and dine at Detroit’s newest (and only) bonafide wine bar. For only $20.00 per person, enjoy a wide selection of meats, cheeses, bruschetta, and a truffle of your choice. For an additional $10.00, you can also enjoy a specialty wine flight!

Night manager Stacey comments, “We’re still the new kid on the block, but we’re doing all we can boost our visibility. Between our wine tastings over Winter Blast Weekend and the Supper Club on the 20th, February is going to be great for us. We’re so excited that Detroit Synergy wanted to host this event here!” Specially for Detroit Synergy Group, Enoteca has arranged a wonderful tasting menu of their various offerings. Each Supper Club participant will receive generous tastes of all the following:

Hand-Cut Artisinal Cheeses:
~Gorgonzola (crumbly, veined, strong)
~Grafton Cheddar (hard)
~Ricotta Salata (firm, milky)
~Provolone (firm, sharp, strong)
~Double Gloucester (hard, sweet)

Imported Meats:
~Salami Casalingo (pork)
~Mortadella (pork)Bruschetteria:
~Fresh tomatoes, minced garlic and fresh basil leaves
~Goat cheese topped with roasted pepper

Choice of Truffle & Caramelized Fruit

This is an excellent sampling of what Enoteca is all about, with a variety of flavors and textures to suit any palette. With the additional selected wine flight, this makes for a fine evening of Italian-style living. Enoteca is a brand-new wine bar in Detroit, newly opened at the end of 2007. The space is very cozy, with marble floors, oak furniture and trim, and antique crystal chandeliers adorning the airy, window-lined space. From the street, patrons can peer inside to see the wide selection of artisanal cheeses and imported meats, as well as the temperature-controlled wine cellar. Inside, watch as the chef hand-prepares each dish made-to-order—from crispy paninis oozing with melted mozzarella to hand-cut cheese flights and a wide assortment of Bruschetteria. Enoteca also offers chocolate flights from Grosse Pointe-based Rabbit Lane Chocolates, made in the old European tradition of hand-rolling almost-liquid ganache in a thin coating of pure chocolate.

For February’s Supper Club, it seemed only appropriate to ask an establishment with a certain amount of amore-appeal to host. Enoteca is the perfect place for a first date, or a next date, or a night out after several years, or for an outing with friends. The warm, Euro-style atmosphere and the decadent culinary delights are enough to set the senses atingle. And the wine? Mon Dieu. Fantastic selections from around the world, grouped in a wide selection of reasonably-priced wine flights (choose by region or style); also available by the glass or well-priced bottle.

So join us on February 20 for a fantastic evening of nibbling, sipping, and mingling, and celebrate Detroit’s newest addition to culinary culture!

Detroit Synergy is a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization. Its mission is to generate positive perceptions and opinions about Detroit by bringing together a diverse community and building upon the City's strengths and resources to realize a common vision for a greater Detroit. Please visit http://www.detroitsynergy.org/ for more information about the group.