[Metromode] Bustin' Up the Boy's Club: Metro Detroit's Female Mixologists

Jackie Foucha at The Oakland. Photo by David Lewinski Photography for Metromode.

Last week we ran a story about the rise of craft cocktail culture in metro Detroit and some of the key players who have pushed it forward. While forward-drinking female bartenders Lola Gegovic, Jacqueline Foucha, and Adrianne Martin were all name-dropped, the focus was all on the boys in the business. Through conversations with people interviewed for that story, it became glaringly obvious that female bartenders in metro Detroit get none of the press that their male counterparts do.

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[HOT LIST] Cocktails

Dave Kwiatkowski of the Sugar House. All photos by Nicole Rupersburg.

It goes without saying that the BEST best places in metro Detroit to get a craft cocktail are Roast, the Oakland, and the Sugar House (which was just named one of the best bars in America by Playboy). But as the trend has grown over the last couple of years - so much so that Michigan Radio recently took notice and ran a state-wide poll looking for Michigan's best craft cocktail bar, and Michigan State University has their own Artisan Distilling Program (the Master Distiller of Death's Door is a graduate of this program) - an ever-increasing number of bars and restaurants are getting with the craft cocktail program. And not in the half-assed way they did before (changing the name of their martini menu to "craft cocktails," yet keeping all the same candy-flavored vodka drinks) - this time it's in earnest. Top-shelf spirits (think bourbons, gins, and boutique liqueurs), fresh-squeezed juices, and house-made bitters and infusions separate the men from the martinis. What a difference two years make, eh? These are some of the best places to get some (aside from Roast, the Oakland, and the Sugar House, of course).

#1 Pizzeria Biga Royal Oak, Southfield, Ann Arbor (opening soon)
Pizza and craft cocktails? Absolutely, when the pizza in question is made by James Beard award-nominated chef Luciano del Signore (along with house-made charcuterie) and the cocktails by some of the best local bartenders in the business. Biga's beverage program in general is a thing of excellence, with proper dues given to its Italian inspiration in its selection of Italian beers, wines, and liqueurs. They also have a great selection of craft beers and have recently started hosting beer dinners. As for cocktails, they have a full selection of classic craft cocktails as well as some of their own creations.

Red Crown. 

#2 Red Crown Grosse Pointe Park
Turns out, Grosse Pointers are a bunch of booze-hounds. (This probably surprises no one who is familiar with Grosse Pointers and their lifestyles.) Mixologist Thomas Phillips, a self-described liquor nerd, leads the bar's cocktail program, which includes a mix of classic cocktails and his own creations, which he changes seasonally. The renovated historic gas station in Grosse Pointe Park opened earlier this year and was an instant hit with the community that has been woefully underserved in their demand for drink. This summer, enjoy their expansive, beautifully-landscaped patio with a cold cocktail and some smoked meat and Southern-style comfort food.

#3 The Last Word Ann Arbor
The Last Word takes its name from the classic cocktail of the same name, which is fitting for this Prohibition-era craft cocktail bar. This place is all about the booze, and be sure to shop in for Whiskey Wednesdays when they serve Scotch (SCOTCH SCOTCH SCOTCHY SCOTCH), bourbon and rye half-off. It's a classy joint in a college town, and their cocktails are on point.

#4 Bailout Productions Detroit
We all know that Roast is one of the best places to go for a craft cocktail, and that's because of the talent behind the bar. Bailout Productions has its roots in Roast, where founders Travis Fourmont (who now works at Great Lakes Wine and Spirits) and Joe Robinson (still holding down the happy hour fort) both worked. They now team up for pop-up bar events at places like Green Dot Stables and the currently-uninhabited Rhino Club in Harmonie Park, and bring their full cocktailing skills along with some friends – like chef Andy Hollyday, who recently left his post at Roast to work on opening his own restaurant in Midtown. They've got more events planned for this summer, so be sure to follow them on Facebook for updates on their upcoming pop-ups.

#5 Sardine Room Plymouth
The much-buzzed-about Sardine Room in Plymouth just celebrated its one-year anniversary earlier this month. Known for their selection of fresh seafood (oysters, the oysters, especially the oysters) and elevated small plates, the Sardine Room also has an excellent selection of craft beer and craft cocktails. What with all of the oysters and the hot sauce and the lobster rolls (basically a lobster po'boy) and the shrimp and grits, the Sardine Room has a vaguely New Orleansean vibe, so it seems only fitting to sip on a Sazerac (the drink that originated in the Big Easy over 150 years ago) while you're here.

Bubbling under Valentine Distillery (Ferndale), Gastronomy (Southfield), Zingerman's Roadhouse (Ann Arbor), St. Cece's Pub (Corktown), Vellum (Ann Arbor), Great Lakes Coffee (Midtown), Union Woodshop (Clarkston), the Raven's Club (Ann Arbor), Imperial (Ferndale), the Bar at 327 Braun Court (Ann Arbor), the Laundry (Fenton), the Root (White Lake), Torino (Ferndale), Lena (Ann Arbor)

[Real Detroit] Lockhart's BBQ

This post written by EID Co-Conspirator Stefanie Cobb.

The new Cuban sandwich at Lockhart's.

Praise is definitely something that isn't necessarily needed for Lockhart's BBQ in Royal Oak, as they are already one of the most beloved BBQ joints in all the lands of metro Detroit. Since their opening in 2010, Lockhart's success continues to grow and it's certainly well deserved. The effort and passion put into the food they serve is intense. All menu items are made from scratch and in house by Executive Chef Rene Moreno, as well as Chef Brett Barrett. Whether they are enjoyed in happy hour small plates, dinner entrees or the brunch menu, the ingredients used in the dishes are extremely fresh and of the finest quality.

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[NEWS BITES] Royal Oak to Welcome Monk: Belgian Beer Abbey, Craft and Bastone Brewery expansion this Spring

Remember when I first told you about Monk back in December? Well, here is the full press release (including more news about Bastone expanding and basement lounge Commune being re-branded as Craft), which you are probably about to see get re-posted a LOT.

Something big is brewing at the corner of Fifth and Main streets in downtown Royal Oak this spring. Restaurants that have won over customers for years are transforming or expanding – all in the name of craft beer.

Café Habana will make way for Monk, a Belgian Beer Abbey. Commune Lounge will become Craft, and Bastone Brewerywill expand to two levels. Vinotecca will feature a new wine and food menu. All locations are part of Union Brewery, LLC., whose owners invested $300,000 to make these changes possible and to improve the overall experience at each venue. All three projects are expected to be completed and open spring 2013.

On Feb. 24, and after nine successful years, Café Habana closed its doors, allowing the owners to develop the space as Monk.

“It wasn’t without hesitation that we closed Café Habana,” said David Ritchie, operating partner, Union Brewery, LLC. “Café Habana has always had very solid sales, but we decided to move forward with our plan to strengthen the Belgian theme that Bastone Brewery was built on.”

Loyal Café Habana customers can look forward to future plans that include a new, bigger space elsewhere in Royal Oak.

In the meantime, newcomer Monk will offer a deep, rich monastery feel with wood that will reach 10 feet high along its walls. A lantern style lighting package will accentuate the natural color scheme.

Monk will follow a similar layout to Café Habana, but will feature new banquettes and tables. Other changes include: new doorways, an expanded kitchen, a new sit-down counter and flat screen TV’s.

Seating capacity will remain the same inside, but Monk will add a new outdoor patio with 36 seats along Fifth Street.

Monk’s menu will offer unique chef-created burgers, mussels, frites, and waffle sandwiches. In addition to serving Bastone Brewery’s Belgian style craft beer, guests can expect an extensive bottled Belgian beer list as well as French wine selections.  Monk will open every day at 4 p.m. for dinner only.

Next door, the Bastone Brewery expansion will add 1,500 square feet to Bastone’s floor plan in the space along Fifth Street on two levels. The main floor expansion will add six tables for guests, and the second floor, which will overlook Bastone’s bar, will have a capacity of 20. It will be designated for private parties.

To celebrate the expansion, Bastone Brewery has released new imagery for its six signature beers on tap, which will be featured in new advertising, branding, social media, merchandise and apparel.

Located beneath Bastone Brewery, the venue, currently known as Commune Lounge, will soon be renovated and re-emerge as Craft. The new concept aims to create a hip 1970s look and feel. Imagine vintage record players, bicycles, Edison bulbs, wallpaper, wood panels and a fresh color scheme.  Additionally, a wall of old speakers will be installed behind the bar to add to the whimsical basement vibe.

Craft will feature a new stage for live music on Wednesday and Thursday nights; and will continue to welcome a DJ Friday and Saturday nights.

“We want it to embody the craft of musicians as well as the craft of beer, spirits and unique cocktails,” said David Ritchie.

Craft, in addition to keeping absinthe on the menu, will serve an array of exclusive craft beer cocktails, craft spirits -  such as Civilized - a full bar, Bastone beer and more.

New websites and social media networks are in progress to be launched for each venue.

Of note, Vinotecca Wine Bar will remain as it is, but will offer a new menu this year.

[Real Detroit Weekly] Fifth Avenue

Fifth Avenue is one of the hottest spots to party in Royal Oak. Whether you're coming to check out the live bands upstairs, shoot some pool, take advantage of their great beer selection and killer happy hour deals, watch the game(s), or just chill with a group of friends, Fifth Avenue has you covered from every angle.

What sets Fifth Avenue apart from other bars that try to be all things for all people is that it actually succeeds at doing so. In the front corner you'll find a Vegas-style (albeit scaled down) sport book setup with leather lounge chairs and multiple big screen TVs. Grab your buddies and hole up for the night in this stylish and comfortable setting without missing a minute of the game.

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Baconfest Michigan Returns to the Royal Oak Farmers Market on Saturday, June 1

Last year’s sold-out smash hit Baconfest Michigan returns on Saturday, June 1, 2013 from 7 to 11 p.m. at the Royal Oak Farmers Market, and we only have two words for you: MORE BACON!

What started as just a spark in the eyes of two serious lovers of salted and smoked pork has turned into a full-blown phenomenon. It probably goes without saying, but it turns out people really like bacon. “Baconfest 2012 was an overwhelming success for us and our participating restaurants,” says festival co-producer Matthew Peach. “This year will have more restaurants, increased space to accommodate more guests, two musical acts and even more Michigan based products. Which all means more bacon goodness here in the Great Bacon State!”

In 2012 Baconfest brought together some of the top restaurants in metro Detroit – including the Rattlesnake, Green Dot Stables, Forest Grill, Café Muse, Toasted Oak, One-Eyed Betty’s and Grange – as well as popular local breweries Kuhnhenn, Dragonmead, Jolly Pumpkin and North Peak for a sold-out crowd of 1,400, and these places brought their bAcon-game. We had a huge variety of bacon-infused dishes from 37 different restaurants, even places that butcher and smoke their own, and were the first Baconfest in the country to also have vegan bacon (from Seva in Detroit). We were floored (and so were you based on how you all waddled out of there), and now we can’t wait to do it again!

This year some 2,000 people with a passion for pork will come together at the Royal Oak Farmers Market for Baconfest Michigan 2013. We’re adding more space and more restaurants this year, which means – you guessed it – more bacon! Baconfest will continue to bring together the very best of all things bacon – inventive dishes and drinks with bacon as the theme as well as official merchandise and demonstrations from some of metro Detroit’s most bacon-loving chefs!

There will also be live music from Detroit favorites the Gia Warner Acoustic Trio and the Reefermen during the event and a competition between the restaurants for “Best of Fest,” selected by our secret panel of judges, and a “People’s Choice” fan favorite! (Winners will receive a framed certificate and supreme bragging rights for a whole year.)

General admission tickets go on sale at noon on February 1, 2013 at www.BaconfestMichigan.com. Regular admission tickets are $50 each and include full access to Baconfest booths as well as three drink tickets. VIP tickets are already sold out! Please note, Baconfest Michigan is a 21+ event.

Official sponsors of Baconfest Michigan 2013 and participating restaurants are still being finalized. Follow Baconfest Michigan on Facebook at www.facebook.com/baconfestmichigan and on Twitter @baconfestmi for updates. Also keep an eye out for Baconfest Traverse City, coming this fall!

[NEWS BITES] Jolly Pumpkin Royal Oak update, Red Crown opening soon, more

I've got a two-punch motherlode of restaurant info coming out this week and next in Metromode. I'll drop the relevant names now: Curt Catallo and Ann Stevenson (Union Joints, aka Union Woodshop, Vinsetta Garage et.al.), Luciano del Signore (Pizzeria Biga, Bacco), Jon Carlson and Greg Lobdell (2Mission Development, aka Jolly Pumpkin, Bastone et.al.), and Mindy Lopus (Silver Pig Restaurant Group, aka Tallulah, Red Crown et.al.).

LOTS of new news coming from these cats, but you're just going to have to wait. In the meantime, I'll hand-tip a few of the tastier morsels:

Jolly Pumpkin's new production brewery in Dexter and Avalon Breads' new production facility in Detroit should both be open and operating within two weeks.

2Mission is still going forward with the Jolly Pumpkin Cafe in Royal Oak and have already completed construction plans and design work. The guys are very eager and excited to move forward; an unforeseen issue with the title on the seller's end is the cause of the delay. Jon and Greg also have some other plans for new spots in both Royal Oak and Ann Arbor in the works, but sorry my lovelies: spoilers!

Mindy's Red Crown will be open by mid-January and perhaps earlier depending on liquor license approval. Bona Fide Baking Co. will follow shortly thereafter. She's also got other concepts in the works at various stages of planning in Birmingham, Grosse Pointe Park and ... wait for it ... Detroit! But again: spoilers.

The Cafe con Leche del Este pop-up in Lafayette Park has closed (the final weekend was very funereal), but owners Jordi Carbonell and Mellissa Fernandez have plans to do a second pop-up on the east riverfront and are also looking towards Eastern Market for a potential permanent location that would be more than "just" a cafe. You'll know more when there is more to know.

Incidentally, the space that housed the pop-up will now be a laundromat, despite Fernandez doing everything she could to keep the space for a permanent location. (PS, this laundromat lease was confirmed before the pop-up's run even ended, in a direct affront to the rhetoric that this pop-up was intended as a "test run" for the coffeehouse to open in the space permanently.) For those of you not familiar with Lafayette Park, all of the high rises, condos and town homes in the immediate vicinity of this strip mall have their own laundry facilities, but perhaps it's just, you know, easier for the owner. As one friend observed on the Facebook, "Ownership politics seems to be as big an impediment to renewal as much as anything." To which I added, "At this point I'd argue it's quite possibly the BIGGEST problem, all throughout Detroit." So here's a great feature idea: the nightmarish experiences of would-be entrepreneurs with viable business plans trying to deal with property owners in this city. (I've heard dozens such stories myself.)

And finally, Rodin, a French-ish restaurant/lounge owned by Torya Blanchard that builds off of the French theme of her Good Girls Go to Paris Crepes also located in Midtown's Park Shelton building, will open 12/12/12.

[EID Preview] KouZina

All photos by Nicole Rupersburg.

Of all the buzzy words in the buzz-centric realm of foodiedom, “street food” is probably the buzziest. We’ve adopted the trend quite readily here in metro Detroit over the past couple of years, and now we have a pretty sizable collection of food trucks (the literal sense of the phrase "street food") and restaurants with street food-style menus (the brick-and-mortar interpretation of the trend). And what this has ultimately meant is tacos. Lots and lots of tacos. Tacos are far as they eye can see and the mouth can eat. El Guapo, Jacques’ Tacos, Taco Mama, Imperial (and let’s not forget the entirety of Southwest Detroit, where the early adopters and Yelp Elites first started charting new territories in search of the most “authentic” street foods) … oh yes, we have tacos.

What we don’t have is Greek food. Not real Greek food, anyway. As Greektown itself has slowly transitioned into something less than “Greek” – the old family businesses have moved or closed or sold, leaving barely a handful of “Greek” restaurants left, and even that is a source of quibbling as the chefs of these “Greek” places tend not to be Greek themselves – Greek families have spread out across greater metro Detroit. While some might bemoan the fact that the culture is no longer condensed to one colorful city street, the culture has been wholly assimilated into the surrounding suburbs – and honestly, that’s one of the things that makes metro Detroit so great: the fact that ethnic cultures are so fully incorporated that they no longer draw notice. If we didn’t have a Greek coney island and a Middle Eastern shawarma shop on every street corner, metro Detroit would be a very different place. A place bereft of cultural diversity. (...a place like Chicago.) And that’s actually pretty awesome.

But Greek coney islands have been through their own share of Americanization and the food they serve isn’t what any Greek would call “authentic.” Now there is KouZina.

KouZina opens Monday in Royal Oak, in the tiny little building that was home to the Zumba Mexican Grille for so many years. Partners Bobby Laskaris and George Xenos have repainted the walls, opened up the front by adding garage doors that will open to the patio during the warm months, and otherwise spruced the place up a bit with cool colors and stainless steel accents. (Please note: photos were taken mid-September while the building was still under construction.) The result is a modern, stripped down, somewhat industrial chic space that will serve stripped down street food.

“A lot of the Greeks complain that there’s nowhere to eat,” Bobby says. “These coney islands butchered the Greek cuisine!” Bobby is a long-time restaurateur from a family of chefs and restaurateurs. His father Panagiotis (Pete) studied at a culinary school in Athens and worked in high-end hotels and restaurants all over Greece before coming to Detroit in 1968. He worked at Hella’s (RIP), Grecian Gardens (RIP), and the Bouzouki Lounge (back when it was a Greek supper club, not a strip club … RIP). Pete is part of the Old Guard of Greektown, but would ultimately find success in opening restaurants in the suburbs (where Greek families were happy to not have to drive to Greektown to get real Greek food). He opened Athenium Cuisine in Southfield then Olympian Café in Allen Park. He then launched a concessions business in 1984, working at ethnic festivals at Hart Plaza and growing from there.

Bobby, now 40, started as a busboy in Greektown at age 15 (a job his dad made him get). It was in the family’s concessions business that Bobby really took off. He took over the business and made it bigger, catering events at stadiums and convention centers (including the Superbowl, the All-Star Game and the World Series that were all held in Detroit over the last decade). In the meantime, dad sold his other restaurants and retired.

Bobby never had any intention of opening a restaurant. “Growing up I saw my father working the hours and the days he worked and I was always afraid to get involved in a business like that,” he says. “I decided about a year ago to open a small store with Greek fast food but on an authentic level; no one’s doing that here.”

So now Bobby is opening his own restaurant, and he’s dragging his father out of retirement. “He’s been retired 10 years; he’s 73 years old and coming out of retirement for us!”

“I’m not working with your dad in the morning,” says Yianni (John), a college-age employee and cousin of Bobby’s. He turns to me to explain: “I’ll come in and say, ‘Hi Uncle, how’s it going?’ No ‘hello,’ no ‘how are you,’ just, ‘Why are you smoking? Don’t be like that dumbass over there.’” (Gesturing to Bobby.)

We all laugh. Bobby says, “He’s great in the kitchen though!”

There’s a jovial familial vibe here that will really be a defining element of this restaurant, the same sort of friendly family vibe that the old Greek restaurants of Greektown once had. Bobby plans on maintaining that at KouZina. “It used to be in the old days all the Greek restaurants had Greek waiters, Greek owners, Greek cooks. Sabas at Pegasus is the only Greek chef left. Greek culture permeated the suburbs, which is why Greektown is not so Greek anymore. The Greeks started downriver and spread out. The parents started restaurant businesses and the kids got educated, but the kids who got the education but grew up in the industry are going back to the restaurants. We’re going to hire a few young college-age Greek kids. ”

For the concessions business, everything is made fresh on the spot. Bobby wanted to translate that to KouZina – a small menu of fresh, simple items made from scratch. Pete will be in 4-5 days a week making everything in house. “It will be kind of cool seeing him in chef coats again doing what he loves!” Bobby says.

The menu will be very simple: gyros made with lamb and beef, chicken breast, and pork tenderloin, marinated for a couple of days in olive oil and hand-stacked every morning. The sandwiches will be served the traditional way with tomato and house-made double-strained Greek yogurt made daily, served on your choice of five different house-made pitas (in flavors like garlic herb, cracked wheat, and feta and tomato).

Pete will also be making fresh spinach pies and weekly specials that might include other traditional Greek dishes like Moussaka and grape leaves. They’ll also serve their homemade yogurt with honey and walnuts and fresh fruit like it is served in Greece for a lighter dish. Their Greek dressing will also be made in-house and their fries hand-cut. All in all there will be about five different items to choose from, and a combo order including a sandwich, fries and soda will cost you about $8-9 out the door.

The whole kitchen operation is open to the dining area. “The cool thing is you’ll walk in and see the whole process of everything being made in front of you,” Bobby explains. There will also be artwork from local artists hanging on the walls and available to purchase. Bobby is himself an art conservative as President of Atlas Bronze Restoration (aka Hamtramck’s Venus Bronze Works), which has restored bronze sculptures in Cranbrook, on Belle Isle and all over Detroit and the Midwest. “We want to be a little more progressive than other Greek restaurants around here,” he says. “There will be no Zeus painted on the wall!”

Later Bobby also hopes to get into product manufacturing (Pete’s second retirement will still be a long way off), but first things first: KouZina opens this Monday. And like all the good street food joints, they’ll be open until 4 a.m. on weekends.

Hours: Monday through Thursday 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Friday and Saturday 11 a.m. to 4 a.m.; Sunday noon to 9 p.m.

Want to see more? View the Flickr set here.

[HOT LIST] Scotch eggs

Ye Olde Scotch egg. Technically not era-appropriate but whatevs.

The Scotch egg. In addition to thanking the British for Shakespeare and Doctor Who, we can also thank them for this. It is a hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage, coated in bread crumbs and deep-fried. Brilliant! Places that serve them are in short supply in metro Detroit (most people's first and probably only experience of them was likely at the Ren Faire, which only merely does the trick like any festival food), but no need to go all arse-over-tit trying to find some -- I've done the work for you. (With thanks to my western beerespondent for being my steel-stomached guinea pig.)

#1 Grange Kitchen + Bar (Ann Arbor)
All good things are made with duck. It's a Scotch egg only the egg comes from ducks from Our Family Farm in Manchester, MI. Duck eggs might be smaller but they are soooooo much richer than those of their pedestrian poultry cousin chicken. And if you question Chef Brandon Johns's commitment to local sourcing (or are just really passionate about it yourself), don't miss his annual 52 Mile Dinner on Nov. 7.

#2 One-Eyed Betty's (Ferndale)
Can you believe this place hasn't even been open a year yet? I feel like it has always been and forever will be. Like having a cell phone. Like, I know intellectually that there was a time in my life before it but it just seems so foreign and far removed from me now. So anyway, the Scotch egg is a fairly new menu item and it is ON POINT. Their secret to Scotchy awesomeness? Panko bread crumbs. It makes ALL of the difference. Not some. ALL.

#3 Red Coat Tavern (Royal Oak, West Bloomfield)
One of these days these guys are going to jump into the new millennium and get a real website. Until then you'll just have to take my word for it: they have Scotch eggs, and they are good. And as one of metro Detroit's mainstays of awesome Belgian beer lists, this place is a consistent win (maybe you've heard of their burgers?). Also now that Vinsetta Garage is reeling in all the traffic it might actually be easier to get a seat here!

#4 Wurst Bar (Ypsilanti)
You may have noticed that I pretty much love this place. (They are featured in three of the last five Hot Lists, including this one.) So yes, I really pretty much entirely love this place. But please take note: these are not Scotch eggs. These are motherfucking pterodactyl eggs. And for $5.95 you get two of these monsters, which are soft-boiled so that the yolks are all yummy and runny. Fair warning, if you eat them both you will likely spend most of the next day feeling like there is an actual pterodactyl in your intestines that is about to rip its way free Alien-style.

Pterodactyl eggs from the Wurst Bar.

#5 Dominion House Tavern (Windsor)
There are Scotch eggs and they have them, but the interesting thing about "the DH" -- located juuuuuuust across the border in Windsor, making it all of about 10-15 minutes depending on bridge and tunnel traffic (heh heh heh ehhhhhh, that only means something to New Yorkers) -- is its history. It is the oldest continuously-run tavern in the Border Region and would have served well on my Prohibition bars hot list except for that OH WAIT, CANADA DIDN'T HAVE PROHIBITION. Canada is awesome. And living on a border is also awesome. And also you can see metal bands play there without any of that "bridge and tunnel" newly-minted Canadian legal/American minor nonsense you get on Ouellette.

Bubbling under Concrete Cuisine (food truck; menu varies), Ye Olde Saloon (Royal Oak), Sean O'Callaghan's (Plymouth), Fort Street Brewery (Lincoln Park), O'Connor's Public House (Rochester)

Now THAT is a Scotch egg. 

Your Guide to the Food of Arts, Beats + Eats

Photo from Arts, Beats and Eats

It just so happens I have the inside scoop on the menu items for this year's Arts, Beats and Eats, held this Friday through Monday in downtown Royal Oak. (Because I'm working the festival and just put together the spreadsheet with the menu items yesterday, is why.) Here I present what I think are some of the highlights of this year's festival foods, presented in no particular order and with the occasional editorial note, straight from the source.

Soaring Eagle
Sliced New York Strip with crab beignet - beignet you say? Yes please!
Four cheese bread
Buttered popcorn ice cream - that is not a typo
Prime rib sandwich
Siniikaung slider

Mercurio's
Chicken on a stick - all-natural hand-breaded fresh (not frozen) chicken; devotees swear this is the best of the festival fried chicken
Chicken tenders with fries
Buffalo wings with fries
Fresh cut fries
Chili cheese fries
Butterfly chips

Union Jack's 
A long-time festival favorite, this catering-only company has no restaurant but consistently has shown the strongest draw year after year, festival after festival; the fish 'n chips are mandatory, as is the deep-fried Mars bar...and pickles...and Twinkie
Fish 'n chips
Deep-fried pickles
Deep-fried Mars bar
Deep-fried Twinkie
Corn dogs
Fries

Taste and Tell
Caribbean chicken on a stick
Garlic crab boil - no way this won't be awesome
Fish or shrimp with fries
Peas and rice
Plantains - same here

Lockhart's BBQ
Sliced brisket
Burnt ends - the BEST
Carolina pork sammy
Mac + cheese
Coleslaw

Hamlin's Corner 
Parmesan garlic, Cajun or buttered Michigan sweet corn on the cob

Sangria
Paella Valencia

Hudson Café
Huevos Rancheros
Red velvet pancakes - a hit every time

La Marsa 
Shish tawook + rice
Fattoush tawook salad
Chicken shawarma + rice
Lamb kabob + rice

Kouzina Greek Street Food
Original gyro
Yiayia's Baklava

Mitchell's Fish Market
Pot roast slider with balsamic onion glaze
Chilled Asian shrimp taco with Napa cabbage slaw
Lobster roll with lettuce + tomato - the festival's fanciest food!

Andre's Lousiana Seafood Sandwich Shop
Jambalaya or etouffe crawfish with rice - a festival favorite
Mac + cheese
Seafood pasta - a new item owner Andre promises will be even better than the etouffe
Farm-raised fried catfish
Fried chicken wings with fries
Homemade sweet potato pie

Slab + Slice
Corn on the cob: butter garlic parmesan or Jamaican rub
Award-winning baby back ribs with coleslaw
BBQ pulled pork slider with coleslaw
Macaroni salad

Sheraton Novi
Chocolate mousse shooter + Oreo crumble + whipped cream
Strawberry shortcake + fresh Michigan strawberry sauce + whipped cream
Brownie overload + Starbucks hot fudge + whipped cream + chocolate shavings

[HOT LIST] Worst patios

Do you ever get sick of all the sunshine being blown up your ass from local media and particularly local blogs with names like "[something-something] DETROIT!" ? So do I. Here is a list of things that are awful.

Every year every media outlet runs the obligatory "best patios" run-down in time for summer. (Here's mine, and mind you that was pre-GLCRC.) There is usual very little variation from year to year or from one glorified PR/ad sales vehicle to the next, and phrases like "hidden gem" and "urban oasis" are used without restraint. But not all patios are good patios, much like not all restaurants are good restaurants. These patios pretty much suck. Here's why.

#1 Pizzeria Biga (Royal Oak)
I love the new Pizzeria Biga building. It's totes gorg, soaring ceilings and all the pretty things owned and designed by the man with the best taste in all of metro Detroit. And then there is that godforsaken patio. Proving once again that just because you can doesn't mean you should, the patio at Pizzeria Biga is the most poorly-situated patio in all of metro Detroit. Flimsy tables wobbling around on artfully broken concrete make your entire meal a balancing act, but the real crime here is that it's RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING RAILROAD TRACKS. Do you know how many times that fucking train goes by during peak dinner hours? Twice on my last visit. Twice I had to completely cease all conversation because that fucking train is, literally, RIGHT NEXT TO YOU and even the loudest of us can't shout over it. And do you know what a train isn't? Short. It isn't short. What should offer some measure of tranquility ends up being as violently jarring as having a picnic in the parking lot behind the 7-Eleven where the EMS vehicles wait for their emergency calls. Love the inside, love the beer selection, love pizza, everything else is lovely, but that patio is the worst.

#2 Majestic Cafe (Midtown)
Alright, so I realize Detroit is in its renaissance and everything is all better and so on an so forth and something-something DETROIT! But there are still things about Detroit that are no different now than they were three years ago back when the dominant narrative was one of a feral dystopic wasteland before the switch was flipped and we all happily hurled ourselves towards the other extreme. What I'm really trying to say is that no one told the housing-challenged about Detroit's renaissance, and they're still out there, shouting at cracks in the sidewalk and using bus stops as waste management facilities. New Yorkers like to talk big about their beggars but rest assured I've yet to find a city in the continental United States with a homeless population as violently aggressive as ours. The "homeless problem" is actually a significant one that only gets addressed when there's a Super Bowl in town and is otherwise ignored in the narrative of nu:Detroit. But for all the happy little hipsters playing house in Midtown, the homeless are still out there, all around us, still quite visible despite our collective efforts to ignore them. And lest this sound like soapboxing, I do it too and the last thing I want to deal with during my $30 bottomless mimosa brunch is the never-ending stream of vagrants angrily demanding money because that's just, like, a bummer man. And while the stark juxtaposition between the privileged colonizers who only look homeless but who have plenty of money for overpriced PBRs and shots of Jamesons and the long-time un-residents who haven't yet been pushed out by them is an anthropologically fascinating thing to witness and probably the closest thing to a true narrative of nu:Detroit, this is why I don't hang out on the Majestic Cafe's sidewalk patio.

#3 The Well (Detroit)
That last one was extra long so I'll keep this short: same as above. Also, as far as patios go, this one is just kind of silly but I have certainly witnessed some interesting things happen on it back when $2 Labatt Blue Light night was the highlight of my week. Yes, that happened.

#4 The Old Shillelagh (Greektown)
Not only is this the most awful place you could possibly be on a Saturday night (and it IS), but to get to their rooftop patio--which in itself isn't bad, aside from the awful people--you have to walk up like 16 flights of stairs. Okay, so you've got a bunch of freshly-made-21-year-olds who came to PARTY IN DETROIT, WOOOOOOOO and they're getting wrecked on Jaeger bombs because that's what newly-minted legals do and they're all partying on the patio because that's what people in Michigan in the summer do, but on top of that they're being made to navigate multiple flights of stairs in their exceptionally inebriated states like shaky foals just learning to walk on still-unstable legs (it takes years to develop proper alcohol legs). The only saving grace for the Old Shillelagh is that most of them won't remember the tumbles they took come the next morning and 21-year-olds still have yet to be fully indoctrinated into our compulsorily litigious society and are too afraid to tell their parents even if they are hurt because they probably weren't supposed to be there in the first place.

#5 BlackFinn (Royal Oak)
This place is the WORST. There is nothing inherently bad about their patio other than the fact that it's theirs. The problem is that the walls are the only thing containing the awfulness of this place and preventing it from breaking through its barriers and inflicting itself upon the rest of the world. The patio, with its garage doors that open into the bar, is a gaping entry into the Hellmouth.

Bubbling under Sneakers Pub (Ferndale), Niki's Pizza (Greektown), Crave Lounge (Dearborn), the Detroiter Bar (Greektown), Woody's (Royal Oak), Dino's Lounge (Ferndale)

 

[HOT LIST] Neapolitan pizza

Mani Osteria. All photos by Nicole Rupersburg.

There has been a growing trend in metro Detroit recently, and one that has been happening relatively quietly. No, it's not upscale BBQ or upscale comfort food -- those trends have been anything but quiet. But while we have continued to bow at the altar of the almighty mac and cheese, coal- and wood-fired pizzerias are increasing in number (not to mention overall quality), and more specifically, Neapolitan-style pizzas are quickly nipping at the heels of their Sicilian-born Detroit-style deep dish brethren.

Pizza gets a bad rep. Typically thought of as the garbage pail gut-bomb it has been bastardized into courtesy of America (USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!), when people think of "pizza" they think of grease-soaked dense pan-cooked crust gobbed with dripping piles of cheap cheese and piled over with a zoo's worth of animal flesh. While I have a certain passion for such pedestrian pizzas like the fat Midwesterner that I am, not all pizza is so offensive to refined tastes. Neapolitan-style pizza is defined by high-quality, fresh, simple and healthy ingredients -- unbleached flour, fresh mozzarella, exceptional produce, extra virgin olive oil. In its truest Neapolitan form, pizza is actually quite healthy.

There is a very specific set of criteria that qualifies a pizza as "Neapolitan," but there are only two pizzerias in metro Detroit that are officially certified as such. For the purposes of this Hot List, I'm looking at places that are Neapolitan in spirit if not 100% in practice. Taken into consideration is size, shape and flavor of the dough; the quality and caliber of ingredients (prosciutto, yes; Canadian bacon, no); whether the pizza ovens are coal- or wood-fired; and, as is the case with any Hot List, whether or not I like it.*

The Margherita pizza at Antica Pizzeria Fellini.

#1 Antica Pizzeria Fellini (Royal Oak)
For more about the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana, scroll down to #4. Got it? 'k. So this place is metro Detroit's other VPN-recognized Neapolitan pizzeria, and it's the real deal. This place is the most like an actual restaurant in Italy out of any of the faux-Italian eateries I’ve ever been in – it’s just a space, a simple space they obviously made some effort to make it look nice but otherwise a room in a building, nothing more. The owner is ever-present, presiding over the restaurant from his post in the very open kitchen, making all the food himself and personally checking in with all the customers. (For a little added authenticity, he even has an Italian accent). There was once a time when Il Posto was the most "Italian" place in Detroit, reminiscent of the highly-orchestrated fussy fine dining at Michelin-rated restaurants in touristy Toscana. Antica is countryside Italian, a small family-owned spot that exists solely to serve good food to their "extended" family, the customers. This is hands-down the best Neapolitan pizza I’ve ever had in Michigan. The dough tastes like flour, salt and yeast with a bit of wood smoke – in other words, exactly what it is, a mere canvas for the superior tomato sauce and creamy mozzarella. Their house-baked bread used for their bruschetta would also make excellent fettunta, and I wouldn't be surprised if they would in fact make it for you if you asked.

#2 Pizzeria Biga (Royal Oak, Southfield)
The custom-built brick oven chef-proprietor Luciano del Signore had flown in from Italy is pretty much the Ferrari of pizza ovens. Actually I think I said it best when I said, "The showpiece of the place is the 6,000-pound Ferrari-red wood-burning oven hand-made in Naples, Italy by Stefano Ferrara who is (channeling Cher Horowitz), like, a totally important designer. (Of ovens.)" Also, I am apparently fond of the Ferrari comparison. Real talk: this is not the best Neapolitan-style pizza of the bunch; several others on this list and listed as "bubbling under" are better. But do any of those other places have 24 international craft beers on tap and a beer store in their basement? No they do not. Extra bonus for the use of their own house-made charcuterie like duck prosciutto, which if you HAVE to pollute your pizza with animal carcass then this would be the place to do it.

The Margherita pizza at Tony Sacco's.

#3 Tony Sacco's Coal Oven Pizza (Novi, Ann Arbor coming soon)
It's a casual joint that manages to strike the perfect balance between pedestrian pizza gluttony and European refinement. You can read more about their $50,000 custom-built oven that burns extremely expensive clean-burning coal here; see also all fresh ingredients and everything made from scratch with no freezers, no microwaves and no fryers anywhere in the building. For a place that feels like such a casual sit-down pizza place, their commitment to quality is unmatched. The pizzas themselves toe that line of excessive American meatiness, but their Margherita is the real deal and the Bianco is bang-on. And also also also also the garlic rolls.

#4 Cellar 849 (Plymouth)
As Michigan's first certified Neapolitan pizza recognized by the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana (VPN) -- the "pizza polizia" -- of Naples, Italy, Cellar 849 adheres to the strict regulations that respect the tradition of true Neapolitan pizza, including a custom wood-burning oven, hand-rolled dough, and fresh, all-natural ingredients. They use some of the highest-quality imported ingredients available, including Fior di Latte mozzarella, Denominazione di Origine Protteta (DOP -- the produce polizia) San Marzano tomatoes, Italian extra virgin olive oil, prosciutto di Parma and Caputo flour. Their Italian-built wood-burning oven is the same as those used at the flashier Pizzeria Biga joints, and the remainder of the menu is just as delightfully Italian, including the (somewhat predictable) wine and beer lists. Yes, I just plagiarized myself here.

#5 Crispelli's Bakery + Pizza (Berkley)
Make no mistake, this place is a clusterfuck. It is so much of a clusterfuck that I'm not even sure why anyone would even make the attempt to go there on a Friday night. Don't go on a Friday night. All the traffic controllers and little metal signs with numbers on them designating your assigned seats in the open-seating cafeteria-style restaurant cannot make this any less of an exercise in tedium, nor does it make up for the fact that you have to wait in six different lines just to cobble together a single meal and if you don't stand in the middle of the register area with all of the other blank-looking meat bags you'll have no way of knowing when your food is ready. Pizza? That's one line. Salad? That's another. Drinks? Look, don't make this complicated: go on an off day at an off time and order one of their "Authentic Italian" thin crust pizzas. Despite all of the MANY inconveniences of ordering, their pizza is worth the hassle. (Just not on a Friday night.) Another thing I like: the self-serve structure means your $10 pizza really is $10 -- none of the added charges of sitting down in a restaurant with a server, ordering drinks, having to tip, so on and so forth until your $10 pizza becomes a $25 pizza. If you want to stuff your face on the quick without the fuss but still have high standards, this is the place to go.

Bubbling under Terra Cotta Pizzeria (Windsor), Tomatoes Apizza (Farmington Hills, Novi), Spago Trattoria E Pizzeria (Windsor), Vito's Olde Walkerville Pizzeria (Windsor), Mani Osteria (Ann Arbor), Fresco Wood Oven Pizzeria (Rochester Hills)

*Gas ovens have been excluded. Supino uses a gas oven. Is that a bad thing? Certainly not. The best pizza I ever had in my life was made in a gas oven. But that is not for this list. I have to draw the line somewhere, and I drew that line at coal. Because...I did. Because I can. So there. Still more places not listed here -- Vinsetta Garage, Union Woodshop, Bad Brad's BBQ Shelby Twp., J. Baldwin's, Motor City Brewing Works -- use wood-fired pizza ovens (as I said, this is becoming quite the trend), but their pizzas didn't quite meet my very loosely-defined Neapolitan-ish criteria. 

[HOT LIST] Summer's best fests

DIY Street Fair.

Summer in Michigan can mean only one thing: a whole year's worth of partying, festivals and events crammed into four months. To be fair, there's something happening somewhere around town pretty much every single weekend all year round (even in the post-holiday doldrums of January), but summer is when there are SO many events that to simply sit on a patio soaking in the sun seems passé. (Besides, that's what Mondays are for.) Now that summer is officially here (versus being unofficially here since, like, March), here are some of the summer's best fests.

#1 Michigan Brewers Guild Summer Beer Festival July 27-28 (Ypsilanti)
It's ... well, it's this. It's 10,000 people sweating and drinking beer. It's 450 beers from over 60 breweries from all over the state. It's a shitshow, but it's the second-most fun shitshow of the year. (The first-most fun is MBG's Fall Beer Fest, which I can walk to and stumble home from. But perhaps I'm biased.) Get your tickets because it WILL sell out.

#2 DIY Street Fair  Sept 14-16 (Ferndale)
Aside from the Brewers Guild's festivals, DIY was one of the first local festivals to serve primarily Michigan craft beers and for that they'll always have a special little place in my heart. After five years the fair is now big enough to span three whole days of solid awesome: two stages with over 50 local bands; 150 (give or take) local vendors selling everything from soy candles to Detroit-centric apparel to vinyl; a 23,000 square foot outdoor beer garden with over a dozen Michigan breweries (and meadery!); a "restaurant row" featuring a handful of local restaurants serving tacos, sliders, vegan eats and ice cream. Basically it's Blowout (when Blowout was still manageable) meets the Rust Belt Market meets a mini-Beer Fest + ABE. Hands-down the best "everything" fest, and hyper-local to boot.

#3 Arts, Beats and Eats Aug 30 - Sept 3 (Royal Oak)
10 stages with over 200 national and local bands. 60+ restaurants. 100s of artists from all over the country in a juried fine art show (which means it isn't a bunch of crappy crafters in a tent, with all due respect to non-crappy crafters). A 5k run. Oh, and 400,000 people. This massive festival that overtakes much of downtown Royal Oak over Labor Day weekend has been the premier summer festival in metro Detroit for over a decade. Now in its 15th year, ABE continues to offer the full experience of food, music and art, and is arguably the highest-caliber festival of its kind in all of Michigan.

#4 Renaissance Festival Aug 18 - Sept 30 (Holly)
Forsooth and shit, RenFest is a hoot. With live entertainment like jousting (the horses are all rescues), comedy shows and Celtic music; food like giant turkey legs, schneeballs and "Barbarian burgers" (just like in the days of yore); craft beer, Guinni and B. Nektar meads; and vendors selling hand-blown glass and MOTHERF*CKING SWORDS, who in their right mind wouldn't love this festival? No one, that's who. No one in their right mind would not love this festival and I don't care that that's a double negative. Yes, it's all outdoors rain or shine and tickets are nonrefundable despite the weather but seriously, the place gets packed and rainy days are usually the best days to go anyway. As you are made primarily of water yourself and not sugar or salt, you will not melt I promise.

#5 Ann Arbor Street Art Fair July 18-21 (Ann Arbor)
The Ann Arbor Art Fair is really four fairs in one. With a slew of national awards under its belt, the original Ann Arbor Street Art Fair (established in 1960) was one of the first art fairs in the country and the fair as a collective whole (Side note: four separate festivals under one name? Really? Seriously though, really? They all need their own name under one giant umbrella name? This is when the parent needs to slap the child's hand and tell them "NO.") is one of the largest art fairs in North America. There's art and music and art and demos and art and activities and art and street performances and art. And it's all over the streets of downtown Ann Arbor, so you can also check out their many fine eating and drinking establishments while you're there. Or just hang out at Jolly Pumpkin.

Bubbling under Detroit Jazz Festival (Detroit), Art in the Park (Plymouth), Dally in the Alley (Detroit), American Polish Festival (Sterling Heights), Pig and Whiskey (Ferndale), Arab and Chaldean Festival (Detroit), Maker Faire (Dearborn), Dexter Daze (Dexter), Michigan Peach Festival (Romeo), People's Arts Festival (Detroit)

[Real Detroit Weekly] Baconfest Michigan

Royal Oak, meet bacon. Bacon, meat Royal Oak (see what I did there?). For fairness' sake, let's not just limit this to Royal Oak, Oakland County or southeastern Michigan. Everyone should be able to enjoy bacon. And they shall! On Saturday, June 2, from 6 to 10 p.m., the first-ever Baconfest Michigan will be happening at the Royal Oak Farmers Market. You'll find over 30 restaurants, celebrity chef demonstrations (local celebrities anyway, like our very own Joe Hakim of the Hungry Dudes), live entertainment from the Reefermen and bacon. Lots and lots of bacon. A veritable ocean of bacon. Bacon as far as the eye can see and the mouth can eat. Endless, flowing bacon.

Chicago has its own Baconfest (and, predictably, it's an overpriced shitshow where the chefs act like they're doing you a favor by being there); it's high time Michigan had its own! Not only a celebration of all things bacon, with everything from pork belly to prosciutto to duck bacon to vegan bacon (a nationwide Baconfest first!) on hand, it's also a celebration of all things Michigan. Many participating restaurants smoke their own bacon in-house and source from local vendors using meat raised on Michigan farms. Bars will be stocked with Michigan products including Valentine Vodka, McClure's Bloody Mary mix, Michigan craft beers and a selection of Michigan wines. Baconfest is also striving to be a sustainable festival, utilizing eco-friendly and biodegradable Michigan Green Safe Products for all plates, napkins, cups and utensils.

Read more.

[EID Feature] Why Our Baconfest is Best

Friends, Detroiters, Michiganders, lend me your ear. Too many of you are far too willing to supplicate yourselves before the mighty myth that is Chicago as a quote-unquote real city, and in the process effectively invalidating our entire city - nay STATE - as inherently inferior. You are like abused housewives, so battered by this bully that you are utterly convinced of your own worthlessness and willing to kowtow to a supposed superiority that is truth only because you've heard it enough times to make it so. Stop this. You are good enough, you are smart enough, and gosh darnit people like you. Chicago can't control you anymore. It's time you free yourselves of its oppressive shackles!

What do they have? A few good urban beaches and a snazzy pier! What do we have? 3,288 miles of unspoiled coastline and Belle Freakin' Isle! What do they have? Restaurants where the staff dresses in T-shirts and jeans and sits down next to you like you're in gat-damn Joe's Crab Shack where it will still cost $100 per person before you walk out the door and you practically had to sit in a stranger's lap because you're packed in so tight and you STILL had to wait two hours for a table on a Tuesday! What do we have? Ample Midwestern personal space and hospitality, and talented chefs who don't act like they're doing you favors by letting you eat in their restaurants! ...and also Slows. (The list goes on. For awhile. I'm happy to share any time. Bottom line: if it's New York you want, to New York you should go. Not this fake imitation New York that's just as expensive but only a fraction as good. Would you go to Las Vegas and stay in the New York-themed casino hotel in lieu of going to Actual New York? No, you would not. And neither should you go to a New York-themed city when a flight to Actual New York costs as much as the gas money to drive to Fake New York.)

The Frankenbacon from Detroit BBQ Co., only at Baconfest Michigan!

And now, we have Baconfest. Chicago has a Baconfest too. Theirs sells out in like two seconds because it's Chicago, la-dee-da. Ours sold out three weeks before the event without the help of major media sponsorship, paid advertising, or resting on our laurels. Our first-ever event will have 1,400 people and 37 restaurants and food vendors as well as all Michigan craft beers, wines, and spirits and signature drinks made with McClure's products. Chicago's is larger, yes, but it also benefits from having been around longer and, after witnessing how rabid our hometown bacon fanatics are, ours has the potential to be just as big. But there are a few ways in which our own Baconfest is already better, and you can see for yourself (if you were lucky enough to snag tickets) this Saturday, June 2. Or just read this list below, sign up for our newsletter and "like" our Facebook page, and get pumped for next year's event! (And don't dawdle buying tickets, either. Team Bacon is getting a little sick of the emails begging and/or haranguing us for tickets to a sold-out event. Which brings me to reason #1...)

Reason Our Baconfest is Better #1: Chicago's is a shitshow. Two and a half hours of absolute shitshowiness ensues during which time people get shitfaced drunk and restaurants more or less slingshot food samples at you as you as shit-facedly shitshow yourself past their booths. It's dumb. We realize that people are very upset about not being able to get tickets (PS, guys, SRSLY, sending nasty emails to the organizers is not an effective way to ensure yourself a pass - it's a good thing that it sold out, that was kind of the point. Better luck next year.), and while we could have pulled a Vodka Vodka and WAY oversold the event past capacity and crammed you all in there like cattle we actually want you to have a good time. You can thank us when you're actually able to walk around on Saturday. No no no, it's fine, YOU'RE WELCOME.

Reason Our Baconfest is Better #2: No pampered princess precious snowflake chefs crying about it afterwards. Our chefs are PUMPED, and they are bringing it. Even we couldn't have anticipated the excitement with which our hometown chefs are treating their Baconfest creations - it might as well be a bonafide competition. And restaurants aren't just half-assing their way through one dish - most places are serving multiple items, so while our restaurants are fewer in number we actually have MORE menu items than Chicago. So HA! And this leads to reason #3...

Reason Our Baconfest is Better #3: Unique creations utilizing many different kinds of bacon. Chicago's Baconfest bacon is all 100% Nueske's. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that. Nueske's has great bacon. But much like how when you go to California and EVERY restaurant serves Niman Ranch beef, the homogeneity just gets boring. Not only will we have an enormous variety of bacon (including vegan bacon! see #4), but many of our restaurants actually cut and smoke their own bacon in-house - so when you sample their bacon, you're actually sampling their bacon. The Root in White Lake, Terry B's in Dexter, Forest Grill in Birmingham, Toasted Oak in Novi, Lockhart's BBQ in Royal Oak, Grange Kitchen + Bar in Ann Arbor - these guys are so serious about bacon they make their own. Do the pampered princess precious snowflake Chicago chefs do that? Would I even be asking that question if the answer wasn't no? Additionally, most of the Chicago items are the restaurant's normal menu items with a strip of bacon on top - wholly uninventive and super-lame-o. The majority of our restaurants are making items totally unique to Baconfest. And we're the culinary inferior? Can I get a bitch please?

Reason Our Baconfest is Better #4: We are the first Baconfest in history to feature vegan bacon. You got a problem with that, you take it up with me. I fought for it because I truly believe that the vegan bacon at Seva (Ann Arbor and Detroit), made with toasted coconut, is outstanding. Don't knock it until you've tried it, and if you're going to be all pissy-pants about it don't eat it. See how easy that is? I felt that as a "Baconfest" we needed to include ALL forms of bacon - we already had tons of pork belly and prosciutto, plus turkey bacon and duck bacon are both being served. So why in the world would a festival celebrating ALL bacon not include vegan bacon as an option? This is NOT an effort to make the event vegan-friendly - obviously by its very nature it isn't - but to make meatatarians see that "vegan" is a five-letter word, not four. Open your minds, meatheads.

Detroit (and Michigan), stop apologizing and deferring everything to Chicago. Take pride in what you have! Find your inner celebrity chef and go tell precious snowflake Chicago you don't need it anymore!

And now, a few words from our sponsor (me):

(1) Scalping will NOT be tolerated. Don't be an asshole and ruin this for everyone else. We've worked very hard to ensure that tickets are fair and affordable; if you can't use your tickets we are more than happy to help you sell them at face value. But if you try to scalp them at three times your cost, I will come down on you like the Hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through the fiberoptics of the information superhighway like the gust of a thousand winds.

(2) Want a pair of free VIP tickets? Stay tuned for the official contest announcement on Tuesday, May 29 on my Facebook page. Please note, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. Cry to someone else.

[Oakland County Prosper] Baconfest comes to the Royal Oak Farmers Market

Let there be bacon! On Saturday, June 2 from 6 to 10 p.m., Baconfest Michigan 2012 will take over the Royal Oak Farmers Market to celebrate the most magical of meats – bacon.

Salted, smoked, cured or candied, bacon is undoubtedly America’s most favorite meat. Nothing else has the power to invoke the same level of rapture and turn us all into drooling Homers quite like bacon. It’s not called the “bacon train” for nothing.

Read more.