[HOT LIST] Burgers

iBurger. All photos by Nicole Rupersburg.

May is National Burger Month. While summer for some means trying to squeeze their pasty white Midwestern blubber butt into last year's bikini only to find that winter has not been kind to them, some of us (hi) have made (an uneasy) peace with the fact that maybe bikini season stopped for us a few years back, and this summer isn't looking much better. There is a certain freedom in realizing you're not Kate Upton, and with that freedom comes the ability to go on the summer #burgercleanse. (Use that hashtag on Instagram plz; trying to make it a thing.)

Perhaps you'll recall when just last week I noted that Detroit is still very much a meat and potatoes town. That being established, you can go ahead and assume that we know our way around a beef patty.  Now, you know all the old familiars -- the ones that have been written up in national publications, the ones that people will Instagram with words like "yum" and people will comment with "want" and "I love that place!" I'm talking about places like Red Coat Tavern and Miller's. Then there's the burger elite -- which, to just go ahead and reference myself again, I already covered them last week -- Vinsetta Garage, Roast, and burger n00b Monk. Iron Chef Michael Symon is also looking to expand his B Spot Burgers into the metro Detroit market, probably because we are a bunch of fat asses. Bottom line? We know some damn burgers.

For the purposes of making this list manageable, chains and fine(r) dining restaurants that serve burgers have been excluded. This is all bar burgers, diners, and straight burger joints. I've also ruled out sliders (sorry Green Dot) because that is a separate list. Also, I am a burger purist: while I concede the notion that burgers can be all dressed up and fancified for the betterment of burger enjoyment, I prefer to experience my burgers in their natural state -- beef, cheese, bun. Nothing more. All assessments have been made based on purely the plain old burger. (With cheese. Because it HAS to have cheese.)

#1 East Side Tavern Mt. Clemens
There is an episode of How I Met Your Mother in which Marshall spends the entire episode on a quest to find the Manhattan burger that changed his life. A burger of such superior quality, that was so much more than JUST a burger but an experience, that it had become legen-waitforit... in Marshall's mind. A burger so transcendent that no other burger could ever live up to its impossibly high standard. A burger that is almost cultural mythos. The burger at East Side Tavern is that burger. But don't take my word for it. Take my word for it.

#2 The Bronx Bar Detroit
Take a giant burger the size of your head and throw it on a sizzling flat-top grill with all of its other burger friends in plain view of the bar (so close, in fact, it would not be unreasonable to assume that the burgers occasionally get seasoned with Jameson's). Then take a giant ciabatta bun, slather it in butter, and throw it on the grill too. For good measure, add a couple of slices of melty American cheese -- which, and I know I'm going to catch some flack for this, in my own very much experienced burger experience is THE superior cheese for burgers -- and a giant pickle on the side. And there you have the Bronx Bar burger. Simple. Magical. It's the burger you just can't quit.

The Emory. 

#3 The Emory Ferndale
The Emory's burgers are something of a local legend. It just goes to show that the secret to a great burger is all in the beef, and theirs comes from Eastern Market's Fairway Packing. (Note: For those who are not familiar with Fairway, their burgers are consistently the best in the business. Any restaurant that serves them is automatically among the top in town.) The big fluffy buns come from Royal Oak bakery Hermann's. And the best part? A burger and fries will cost you only $5 on Tuesdays, and the Emory also rocks a brutal beer list to go with your beef.

From @eatitdetroit Instagram feed.

#4 Good Burger Dearborn
Dearborn is not lacking for good burgers. People still love the shit out of Miller's. There's also Howell's, which some say has the better bar burger. Moo Cluck Moo just opened in Dearborn Heights and is looking to be a game-changer. But I have seen the future, and in this future gas station food is the new trendy pedestrian blue collar IT food that "foodies" will flock to. And it starts at Good Burger. Located inside a BP gas station on Ford Road just a few blocks off of I-94, Good Burger is perhaps the most efficiently-named restaurant in metro Detroit. Because you will leave saying, "Damn, that WAS a good burger." Everything is made fresh in-house -- condiments are made from scratch, fries and onion rings are hand-cut; grilled-to-order burgers are never frozen and served on either a pretzel roll or brioche bun sourced from local bakeries, and the meat itself is expertly seasoned. I told you my rule about eating burgers plain? With this one you won't even WANT to dilute the flavor with any other frippery. Burgers are served with perfectly-crispy (and made to order) seasoned shoestring fries, and they also deliver.

#5 iBurger Dearborn
It would seem that metro Detroit's REAL cheeseburger paradise is Dearborn. Dearborn is just great. I love Dearborn. Have I told you how much I love Dearborn? Such a cultural mish-mosh and I LOVE that. Black people, white people, Arab people, Mexican people -- if you want diversity, it's all in Dearborn, and it's actually properly integrated instead of the street-by-street segregation you find in other "diverse" cities. Now, with a large population of ethnic Arab Muslims, this also means that you'll find a lot of halal restaurants. They're not all Mediterranean, either. You'll find halal Mexican, halal Italian, halal fried chicken, halal pizza, halal sushi. America! Bless you melting pot, and bless you fatass Midwestern eating habits and cultural assimilation. iBurger is a halal burger joint, and, you know, maybe it's because Muslims don't eat pork and can therefore put ALL of their energy into the beef (even the bacon is beef) instead of being distracted by the temptations of pig parts, but damn this is a tasty burger. Read more about it here. They also serve raw juices and ice cream. Raw juices at a burger joint (and they're not talking about the burgers, though those are plenty juicy too). Don't you just freaking LOVE that?

Bubbling under The Detroiter Bar (Detroit), One-Eyed Betty's (Ferndale), Red Hawk (Ann Arbor), the Avenue Pub (Wayne), Cutter's (Eastern Market), McShane's Pub (Corktown), Rosie O'Grady's (Ferndale), Krazy Jim's Blimpy Burger (Ann Arbor), Nemo's (Corktown), Mae's (Pleasant Ridge), Greenwich Pub (Detroit), Sidetrack (Ypsilanti), Clubhouse BFD (Rochester), Jay's Stuffed Burgers (Plymouth), Honest John's (Midtown), Doyle's Tavern (Plymouth), Brownie's on the Lake (St. Clair Shores)

[HOT LIST] College food (Midtown edition)

Honest?John's. Photo from Flickr.

Editor's note: Your HBIC has been very busy lately and needs some help around the house. Please meet Stefanie Cobb, EID's new Co-Conspirator! She sent me a lovely email asking for my guidance and because flattery will get you everywhere I decided to adopt her. She is in college at WSU and thus an expert on this particular HL topic. Please do not call her an "intern;" she is getting paid and is not doing my dishes or laundry. Speaking of which, I still need someone to not get paid to do my dishes and laundry. Who isn't me. --XO, NR

Midtown is crawling with students and artsy types (who may or may not actually be students; it can be hard to tell). University life in Detroit might not offer the same kind of … ah, amenities as those your buddies have while dorming it up at Central or MSU, but one thing remains consistent across all college campuses: college students eat a lot of crap. With a diet primarily comprised of all things non-perishable, microwavable, and – most importantly – cheap, our aspiring academics long for something other than that which can be ordered from the Dollar Menu. (But thank you Wayne State for being so sensitive to students’ dietary needs by putting a McDonald’s right there in the student center.)

Thankfully Midtown offers a ton of grub on the cheap, and it’s actually pretty good stuff. There’s a little something for everyone – jocks and hipsters, vegans and meatatarians – that will please the needs of a more demanding palate while also keeping within a college budget. (Meaning: you’ll still have plenty of beer money leftover.) WSU and CCS students and all you post-grad twenty-somethings still clinging to your college glory days by hanging around in campus bars and discussing linguistics while doing shots because you’re just not ready to face the real world yet, rejoice! Here is your Hot List.

#1 The Bronx Bar (4476 2nd Ave.)
Although they may hold the unofficial title as Midtown’s hipster headquarters, this majestic little dive bar, found in the heart of the university district, is just as much a haven for the scholarly set. It’s a prime location for posting-up, not only because their sandwiches are cheap and massive, but they also have WiFi, (for studying Facebook homework) AND a Bloody Mary bar on the weekends! For those who prefer not to risk mixing homework with booze, great news, you’ll be able to give their cheap beer and Jamo shots all the attention they deserve. The recent addition of a “patio” (which is really just an outdoor smoking lounge) now allows daylight to seep in … still not sure if that’s an improvement (so much bright light makes day drinking hard), but as fun as the Bronx is around midnight, shooting the shit with Charlene during the day is a Detroit rite of passage. Big-ass burgers, cheap booze, student-friendly atmosphere, friendly serv… well, you get served anyway (eventually); this is what makes the Bronx the shit.

Chili cheese fries at Honest?John's. Photo from Flickr.

#2 Honest?Johns (488 Selden)
Located on Seldon between Second and Cass, this ugly duckling has great breakfast, great burgers and great beer. The laid-back wait staff, dark atmosphere, and total locals vibe (along with America’s Number 1 Jukebox) all set the tone for an ideal chill spot. Along with the menu’s healthy and not-so-healthy (*cough* Mac + Cheese Wedges *cough*) options, you’ll find the board of weekly food and drink specials mounted among their collection of witty neon signs proclaiming such sage insight as “Sobriety Sucks” and “Men Lie.” Whether you’re strolling through for a quick lunch, a drunken post-bar gorge session (that’s right, their kitchen is open until 2am), or a much-needed omelet to remedy Sunday morning’s hangover, expect to leave with a full belly and plenty of change to spare.

#3 Lefty’s Lounge (5440 Cass Ave.)
While this joint is pretty much the polar opposite of what was formerly noted as being a “hipster headquarters,” Lefty’s Lounge is the epitome of classic college sports bars. Their menu includes all the deep-fried finger-foods one would hope to scoff down at a sports bar, but their pizza is the real homerun. It’s cheesy, appropriately greasy, and the sauce to crust ratio is on point. Aside from the delight that this piping hot pie may bestow upon your taste buds, its low price makes it all the more happy. As part of their happy hour, which runs Monday through Friday from 11am to 7pm, personal two-topping pizzas are only $5.99, along with cheap pints, pitchers, well drinks, and Long Islands. This promised land of cheap eats is conveniently located at the base of the Belcrest Apartments, almost exactly between Wayne State and CCS. They also have trivia on Wednesdays, karaoke on Fridays, and a ballpark count of ten big-screen TVs, making it virtually impossible to miss a game no matter where you are in the room. Lefty’s might not have dining precedence with many of Midtown’s student body (considering that hipsters and sports bars don’t exactly go hand in hand), but anyone who would sincerely dispute the awesomeness of cheap pizza and booze … what, are you new here or something?

#4 Cass Cafe (4620 Cass Ave.)
You’re in college. You want to show people how smart and cultured and refined and learned you are. Cass Café, just a brisk walk over from the WSU campus at Cass and Prentis, is the place to do that, and on the cheap. On the walls are works from local artists, a restaurant/bar-cum-gallery that has been doing it since before it was cool, and on the menu is a wide variety of items from their honey sriracha wings to a host of vegetarian and vegan options. While a place of this seeming caliber might seem to be too expensive, rest assured it is situated well within the ranks of Midtown’s affordable chow-houses. If you want to be all smart-seeming without hanging out in the library (and, let’s face it, no one is going to see you being all smart there), this is the place to be. AND they have WiFi. For, you know, reading the Economist.

#5 Harmonie Garden Cafe (4704 Anthony Wayne Dr.)
Stop everything. Go here. Their falafels are the bomb-diddy-bomb-diggity. They don’t serve booze, but they do serve massive plates of Mediterranean deliciousness and these crisp little heaven-balls are the way to go. Or anything else for that matter. And also, ridiculously cheap. It’s frumpy and a tad dumpy, but if you’ve made it this far in your schooling you know you should never judge a book by its cover or a restaurant by its awning.

Bubbling under Jet’s Pizza, Motor City Brewing Works, Sgt. Pepperoni’s, The Potato Place, Circa 1890 Saloon, Seva, Woodbridge Pub

[HOT LIST] Best bars to work in

Torino Espresso + Bar. Photo by Nicole Rupersburg.

As a freelancer I know what is probably a disproportionate number of other freelancers in Detroit, and we all seem to share the same basic three needs: the need for strong coffee before noon, the need for strong drink any time after noon, and the need for endless reliable WiFi. While we often work from home, we are also known to occasionally seek out the company of other humans by putting pants on long enough to crawl out of our respective holes and stumble our way to the nearest coffee house or bar.

Coffee houses are great. We love coffee. Coffee makes our work possible. But sometimes we need to imbibe in a beverage stronger than Joe. Sometimes we need Jack, Jim or Jose (or really their crafty equivalents; we're not savages). We also need these drinks in a place that offers flowing streams of beautiful, beautiful bandwidth (for free) in an environment where our kind are welcomed and appreciated - not somewhere where opening a laptop will be met with looks of "Who farted?" Using my own personal experience and polling some of my freelancer friends (both writers and photogs), I've determined these bars are the most freelancer-friendly.

#1 Torino Espresso + Bar (Ferndale)
Torino wins by automatic default because they are both a coffee house AND a cocktail bar. Plan your day right and you can put in a full 12-hour workday starting with coffee and ending with cocktails and even get a few snacks in between (the panini are delish). Heck, you can even move around to different parts of the restaurant to suit different moods ("...and now I shall sit in the lounge"). It also helps that Torino happens to have really freaking good coffee and really freaking good cocktails. And, they play the Black Keys a lot. I'm known to spend long hours working here and I also hold the majority of my business meetings here, so this place is pretty much my office now. I hope they don't start charging me rent...

Hipstergram photo by RPH.

#2 Bronx Bar (Detroit)
(Editor's note: one of my fellow freelancers loves this place so much he wanted to do the write-up for me. This meant less work for me, of which I am always a fan.)
The Bronx is Midtown’s king dive bar. It sits proudly on the corner of Second and Prentis, offering a bird’s eye view of gentrification in action. Sure, it masquerades as a Wayne State college bar on the weekends. But in this economy, we’ve all got to moonlight as something. No one’s judging so long as the sweet-and-salty Charlene governs the weekday afternoon shift, piping in classical music and allowing me to type away at my laptop in peace. The challenge is resisting smuggling a beer into your stomach before the clock strikes 4:00pm and not wrapping your arteries around the best damn cheeseburger (and overall bar menu) every time you set up shop. If you can resist the Bronx’s siren call, you’ve found yourself the best damn pop-up office the city has to offer. - Ryan Patrick Hooper, freelance writer and Bronx bar staple.

#3 Honest?John's (Detroit)
Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Honest?John's is one of those divey Detroit bars that we all love and feel compelled to frequent. The best part about this place is not the food (greasy and good, but none too noteworthy) or the drinks (the selection is meh and the pricing is not quite divey enough) but the ambiance. Neon signs sport cheery sayings like, "Men Lie" and "Sobriety Sucks." The bathrooms are covered in years of drunken graffiti, and the jukebox kills (along with the Bronx, it's one of Detroit's best). Ashley Catherine Woods, Entertainment Producer for MLive, even says she has "a favorite booth, waitress and jukebox selection for the am." This is the kind of place where regulars rule.

#4 Cass Cafe (Detroit)
It's a restaurant-slash-art gallery serving healthful, globally-inspired food that is vegetarian- and vegan-friendly, and they also have killer drink specials. Located in the heart of Midtown, Cass Cafe gets a strong turnout of Wayne State and CCS students, artists, area hipsters and what-have-yous, and has always been a relaxed place for some good food, cheap drink, and sweet, sweet WiFi. Fire up the Mac and you'll fit right in, day or night.

#5 Woodbridge Pub (Detroit)
It's a restaurant-slash-art gallery serving healthful, globally-inspired food that is vegetarian- and vegan-friendly, and they also have killer drink specials. Located in the heart of Midtown, Cass Cafe Woodbridge, Woodbridge Pub gets a strong turnout of Wayne State and CCS students, artists, area hipsters and what-have-yous, and has always been a relaxed place for some good food, cheap drink, and sweet, sweet WiFi. And while Woodbridge has many surface similarities to Cass Cafe, one's a little artier and one's a little grittier, appropriately reflecting their respective neighborhoods. I fancy this one for their robust local beer selection, bottomless mimosa brunch, Internet jukebox, and pretty pretty bar. And on weekdays after the lunch rush but before the evening crowds, freelancers practically have the place all to themselves.

Bubbling under The Emory (Ferndale), Foran's Grand Trunk Pub (Detroit), Angelina Italian Bistro (Detroit - great for evening work meetings when WiFi is needed), Park Bar (Detroit), the Rock on Third (Royal Oak), Motor City Brewing Works (Detroit), Andrews on the Corner (Detroit), Traffic Jam and Snug (Detroit)