[HOT LIST] Detroit delivery

This post authored by EID Co-Conspirator Stefanie Cobb.

The Detroiter: knockwurst with coney sauce, grilled onions and cheddar on a sesame bun. Bucharest Grill.

From time to time, we have one of those days where we find ourselves pants-less in bed and starving without an ounce to motivation to move, much less to put on pants to leave and get food. Or maybe it’s one of those nights where you’re a six-pack-plus-some deep, and all there is to eat in your apartment is a half-empty box of linguine and ketchup packets. Seeing as how it’s generally frowned upon to venture out drunk and pants-less, how will you fulfill that basic human need for pizza nutrition? Delivery, of course, and here are some places that will bring food right to you. Sadly, you're still going to have to put on pants to answer the door. (But only for like, five seconds. Then RIGHT back off again.)

PIZZA:
Because who isn’t in the mood for pizza?

The ghost pepper pizza at Amar Pizza.

Amar Pizza (313) 366-0980
Sunday-Thursday 10am-11pm, Friday and Saturday 10am-12am
Pizza, halal, sandwiches, salads, and other fried goodies. All awesome. They’re located in Hamtown at Caniff and Conant St. They deliver within a two and a half mile radius. And yes, they're famous for their ghost pepper pizza, which is not -- and we cannot emphasize this enough, ***NOT*** -- what you want to order when you're actually hungry and actually want to eat something, and YES it's just as hot on its way back out. Show off some other time. "Oh it's not that hot." Fuck you.

Jet's Pizza (313) 297-7000
Monday-Thursday 10am-12am, Friday and Saturday 10am-2am, Sunday 11am-12am
Deep dish, duh. They deliver in and around Midtown.

Vince’s Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria (313) 842-4857
Tuesday-Friday 11am-10:30pm, Saturday 2pm-11pm, Sunday 2pm-10pm
They’ve proudly been located in Southwest for over 50 years and have a menu that offers pizza, pasta, salads, sandwiches and more. It’s pretty much the whole Italian spread.

Happy’s Pizza (313) 874-5555
Monday-Thursday 11am-11pm Friday-Saturday 11am-1am
More pizza, delivering to the Midtown/Downtown and New Center area.

EVERYTHING ASIAN:
Chinese, Thai, you get it.

Panda Chinese Restaurant (313) 297-6593
Greasy, sturdy portioned Americhinese food with very speedy delivery.

Bai Mai Thai (313) 567-8424
Monday-Thursday 10:30am-10pm, Friday 10:30am-11pm, Saturday 4:30pm-11pm
Found in Lafayette Park. Do try the Coconut Fried Rice!

New China One (313) 872-8888
They’re located in New Center so cover most of the Midtown/Wayne State radius. The perk of ordering from China One is that their kitchen is visibly pretty clean.

Bangkok Cuisine Express II (313) 832-3408
Monday-Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday 12pm-9pm, Sunday 12pm-6pm
The Drunken Noodles are pretty solid and they’re conveniently located to accommodate all Midtowners.

Konbini: For all your Red Bull, Ramen and Haagen-Dazs needs, night or day.

LATE NIGHT:
So you just got home from the bar and have the drunken munchies, do ya? No worries, we’ve all been there.

Bucharest Grill (313) 965-3111
Monday-Thursday (and Sunday) 11am-11pm, Friday-Saturday 11am-2am
Hello Chicken Shawarma with curly fries, allow me to devour that fuck out of you so you’re the last thing I see before passing out on my bathroom floor. See you in my dreams. Delicious Romanian-Mediterranean grub delivered until 2am. The End.

Detroit 1 Coney Island (313) 832-7380
Open 24 hours but delivery goes until 2am. Closed at 4pm on Sundays.
D1 is a boozer’s dreamland. Everything fried, cheesy, and smothered in Coney sauce delivered to your door.

Konbini Delivery www.konbinidelivery.com
Tuesday-Sunday 11am-3am
They cater to those who reside between Midtown and Downtown. Konbini will deliver a variety of products from fresh produce and salads to playing cards and condoms. This is a real thing. Want tampons and Garden Fresh salsa? Done. All you have to do is go to their website and add your desired items to the shopping cart. They’ll be waiting at your door in no time at all.

THEY DELIVER?
Hell yes they deliver.

Mudgie's Deli.

Mudgie’s (313) 961-2000
Monday-Friday 11am-9pm, Sunday 11am-4pm
You better believe that Mudgie’s delivers to all of Corktown and some of the Midtown/Downtown area. For all you Mudgie’s novices (if there are any), they serve up some real mean sandwiches using locally-made products. They also have soups, salads, and darling little cupcakes. Thank you, Mudgie’s.

Harmonie Garden Café (313) 638-2345
Monday-Saturday 9am-9pm, Sunday 11am-4pm
Holy falafel! This Middle Eastern hole in the wall delivers to all of Midtown. They have falafels and more falafels, but also breakfast, soups, salads, sandwiches and then some more falafels. Falafel.

CK Mediterranean Grille and Catering
Monday-Friday 10:30am-8pm. Closed on weekends.
They have a decent spread of Fattoush salad, Shawarma, Kabobs, Hummus, etc. CK delivers within the Downtown radius.

Maccabees at Midtown (313) 831-9311
Monday-Wednesday 8am-10pm, Thursday-Friday 8am-12am, Saturday 9am-12am, Sunday 11am-4pm These newbies inhabit the ground floor of, go figure, the Maccabee building in Midtown. They deliver around that area for orders with a $20 minimum. They’ve had quite a bit of buzz since their recent opening. The menu offers bistro-style American cuisine such as sandwiches, burgers, and breakfast foods.

Hot Spokes
Monday-Friday 11am-4pm
Detroiter Shanye O’Keefe is the founder of Hot Spokes, a bicycle delivery service within the boundaries of Midtown. They will deliver food from Cass Café, Shangri-La, Slows To Go, Goodwells, PJ’s Lager House, Seva, Avalon, and Louisiana Creole Gumbo. If any of those places ignite your craving, simply call any of the restaurants listed, place your order and tell them you’d like delivery through Hot Spokes. They’ll pick up your order and bike it right to your door.

[HOT LIST] Chinese restaurants

Lucky Dragon. Photo by VATO.

It's almost Christmas. That means it's almost time to come up with a clever excuse to leave your in-laws' house early and go take refuge in your favorite local Chinese restaurant. (Those of you who don't understand this must actually like your families. Freaks.) Many people this weekend will be seeking solace in the company of our Chinese-American friends, with their tinkling mandolin music, folding screens with pastel images of bonsai trees, statues of Buddha in jade and gold leaf, gongs and goldfish tanks. It's an anti-tradition tradition for many, observed by both Gentiles and Jews (who still need to eat on Christmas).

Regarding Chinese cuisine, if you use the word "authentic" I will punch you in your face. I will track you down to your office where you sit, drinking your bad office coffee brewed in the industrial coffeemaker in the shared kitchen with garish fluorescent lighting, surreptitiously listening in on your co-workers' conversation in the adjacent row of cubes and storing away those little gossip goose eggs for lunch with your recently-divorced friend in Accounts Payable, insisting you simply can't eat another cookie but oh-so-reluctantly shoveling two more in your mouth when the Administrative Assistant comes around with a plate, there I will find you and punch you in your face. You are not Chinese, from the country of the People's Republic of China. You have not even been to China. All you know about what "authentic" Chinese food actually is came from your friend of a friend who knows an actual Chinese person who said their Chinese food is nothing like ours. Shut up.*§

#1 Wok Inn (Clinton Township)
Wok Inn is a long-standing east side tradition, conveniently located right across from Lakeside Mall on Hayes, yet still no one seems to know about it -- certainly not the denizens of Yelp. (Seriously, how has this place been overlooked? Other than the fact that no one really pays attention to the whole of Macomb County?) Their General Tso's is THE BEST. I've eaten at every freakin' Chinese restaurant in Macomb County over the many years of my youth and I can tell you, unequivocally, this place is THE BEST. (I can also tell you that the MC has a LOT of Chinese places.) Perfectly-crispy chunks of deep-fried juicy white chicken coated in rich, thick, plum-colored sweet and spicy General Tso's sauce...I have searched long and hard for a General Tso's that can even remotely compare, and still to this day remain disappointed. The Kung Pao chicken and egg drop soup also rule. This was MY house of holiday refuge for many years.

#2 Empire Dynasty (Farmington Hills)
Located in a strip mall and filled with what we Americans might deem classic "Chinese foood" décor, Empire Dynasty certainly isn't breaking down any stereotype barriers, but their food more than makes up for it. Skip straight to the hot and sour soup and any of their "house specialties," and all of it in huge portions.

#3 Hong Hua (Farmington Hills)
*Sigh* There was a time when Hong Hua was truly at the top of her game, snagging "Restaurant of the Year" from Hour Detroit and rave reviews for her elegant, upscale Chinese cuisine. The old gal doesn't quite have the same sparkle she once did, but she was still named one of the "Top 100" Asian restaurants in the country by Zagat (IKR?) in 2011 so all is not lost. Maybe you just forgot about her? When flashier places like Chen Chow opened, then pan-Asian/Asian fusion fell out of "foodie" favor, perhaps she just became...old news? It's time to rediscover this place, even if it is as an oldie-but-goodie. There simply is no finer place in metro Detroit for top-notch Cantonese cuisine (those of you who are abusers of the word "authentic" will be thrilled to know that there is a whole separate menu written entirely in Chinese available upon request--they're happy to translate). Try the Peking Duck.

#4 Wing's Gardens (Oak Park)
This is your go-to gut-bomb kind of Chinese place. Large portions, heavy dishes--"greasy" is maybe not the best word for it, but "light" certainly isn't either. They've got all the Chinese-American standards, nothing super-standout but they nail it where it counts: quality, consistency and value.

#5 Peking House (Royal Oak)
Much as the landscape of Royal Oak has changed over the years, one thing has remained consistent: Peking House. This is perhaps one of those places that gets by on its notoriety and longevity more than any actual superiority, but as anyone knows it's all about "location location location," and they're in one of the most primo restaurant real estate cities in SE Michigan. The Mongolian beef is where it's at here, but vegetarians will also love the veggie-heavy fried rice.

Bubbling under Lotus Pond Restaurant (Warren), China Star (Wyandotte), New Peking (Garden City),  Moy's Restaurant (St. Clair Shores), China Moon (Clinton Twp.), Jade Palace (Oak Park), Chopstick Inn (Riverview), Lucky Dragon (Detroit)

*With apologies and exceptions made for those who actually are from China, and/or have spent a significant enough amount of time there. "Significant" being more than five days on a leisure trip. Like, people who lived there for six months for work, or were stationed there with the Peace Corps. That sort of thing. 

§This rant will be repeated in a future post about sushi.

[Metromix] Lucky Dragon Cafe

Photo by VATO for Metromix.

"Every home needs a go-to Chinese carry-out restaurant; it is an American necessity, like late-night pizza delivery joints and neighborhood watering holes within stumbling distance. Most of the Chinese restaurants you’ll find in the city of Detroit are small, tucked away in the corner of a strip mall with sparse seating, doing most of their business in carry-outs and deliveries. Lucky Dragon is one of those kinds of places.

'Lucky Dragon Café is located near Downtown Detroit, on Jefferson Avenue just east of Chene. Owners Dan Harnphanich and Yin Hon Chan opened Lucky Dragon in 1998, and have been involved in some form of Chinese eateries since 1982 with their first venture in the Renaissance Center. Hon Chan is the chef of the operation; he cooked in Hong Kong before coming to the States, then worked in Chinese restaurants all over the country before ending up here in Detroit. The food at Lucky Dragon is in the Cantonese and Szechuan style, but catered to American palates (as much Chinese restaurants in this area are)..."

Read the rest of the article here.

Real Detroit Weekly: Mon Jin Lau

"For more than 40 years, Mon Jin Lau in Troy has been the place where local and national celebrities go as a Detroit-area destination. A look at the wall of pictures in the lobby, featuring owner Marshall Chin posed next to top actors and sports stars show a little piece of this restaurant's history as a see-and-be-seen kind of place.

'Bryan and Brandon Chin, Marshall's sons and the third generation to operate MJL, have further solidified its reputation as a destination for local trendsetters, party people and celebutantes from all over the country.

.."

Read the rest of the article here.

Real Detroit Weekly: Wah-Hoo

Got you all in check! (BUSTA!)

536 Shelby, Detroit
313-324-8700, www.wah-hoo.net
Hours: Monday through Thursday 11 a.m. to 8 p.m., Friday 11 a.m. to 12 a.m., Saturday 3 p.m. to 12 a.m., closed Sundays

"Out in the 'burbs, you'll find an abundance of cheap Chinese eateries offering a hodgepodge collection of American-Chinese dishes and sushi rolls friendly to the American palate. It may not be cutting-edge cuisine, but let's face it: it's familiar, cheap and still tastes better than most fast food. In the city, however, there is a severe lack of fast-and-cheap Chinese (food, I'm talking about — food). Shangri-La now has Midtown on lock, but the Central Business District (with all those pretty office buildings and the many people inside them who need to eat) was still missing out. Enter Wah-Hoo.

'Wah-Hoo isn't markedly "Chinese." There's no koi fish pond, no silk screen images of overtly "Oriental" landscapes. The space is spacious, minimalist and save for a few select touches (red-hued granite, a bronze Buddha statue high above the dining area, a calligraphy scroll drawn to look like the Detroit "D"), could just as easily be a contemporary steakhouse..."

Read the rest of the article here.

Divine Dim Sum: Shangri La

"Shangri-La" is a fictional location that has become synonymous with the idea of a pure utopia. How about foodtopia? The new Chinese eatery Shangri La, located in Midtown's University and Theatre District, is just that...total edible nirvana (at least, the dim sum menu is).

Shangri La inhabits the space of the former Twingo's (a moment of silence in memoriam, please). They've maintained the overall design of the previous space, opting only to change the color theme to a palette of soft browns and warm woods. The decor is simple and inviting, though certainly more chic than your typical strip mall Chinese spot.

When I stopped in for a visit, I had the chance to speak with Raymond Wong--does that name sound familiar? It should--he's the mastermind behind the wonderful, brilliant, and unjustly short-lived Asian Village (including Fusia, which offered hyper-trendy haute Asian-fusion cuisine in stunning backdrop with a riverfront view...a moment of silence in memoriam, please).

Yes, Mr. Wong has quite the roster of cutting-edge and unfortunately failed restaurants under his belt, which is why he has since retired and is helping Shangri La in a consultant capacity only. After the failure of AV, Wong's experienced his own set of personal traumas, including divorce and bankruptcy. Oddly, Wong can laugh about this now...even though the conversation was a little...awkward...for me. :O But time heals all wounds, as they say, and at 60 years old Wong is ready to pass the torch on to the next batch of enthusiastic risk-takers.

Though the "risk" at Shangri La seems relatively minimal: with a built-in college student and working professional market thanks to the nearby WSU, CCS, and DMC campuses (as well the numerous cultural institutions such as the DIA and DPL) that was previously woefully under-tapped, Shangri La has almost limitless potential clientele.

They consider themselves an "authentic" Chinese eatery, distinguising themselves from the common generic take-out joint. And why? Two words: dim sum.

The lone dumpling that remained when I finally decided I should be taking pictures
If you've ever walked down Mott Street in Manhattan's Chinatown district (after first pushing your way past the junk-peddlers on Canal St.), you've seen the numerous nondescript dim sum restaurants that have no name, only addresses, and serve dim sum only on Saturday and Sunday mornings through the early afternoon. If you've ever visited such a place, you have a full understanding of dim sum, and you will not be disappointed by what Shangri La has to offer.

For the uninitiated: dim sum is a traditional Chinese cuisine featuring small plates of "finger foods" served in succession (often from a cart, though not at Shangri La), usually baked or steamed and including both sweet and savory dishes. It is typically served in the morning or early afternoon, though at Shangri La it is served until an hour before the kitchen closes so Asian students getting out of classes late can still order it, according to Wong.

“We did a lot of study of the area’s demographics, and we found that there are a lot of people from Asia in the area and there is a demand for authentic Asian food,” Wong told me. They also keep the prices very reasonable (most entrees are about $8.00) to appeal to the surrounding college crowd.

If you've got a hankering for a baked cream bun or curry chicken pastry, get there early or call ahead--the baked items are all made in the morning and tend to sell out quickly, though if you call in advance and request some be set aside for you, they will more than happily accommodate your request.


The dim sum menu includes the basics--Pan-Fried Dumplings, Baked BBQ Pork Bun, Baked and Steamed Cream Buns--as well as some decidedly more exotic dishes. Steamed Chicken Feet (which the table nearby raved about, including the four-year-old child), Curried Baby Squid, Beef Tripe...to truly experience the fullness of this dim sum menu, American palates may be forced to step a bit outside their comfort zone.

That being said, I decided to stay firmly planted in my comfort zone: Shrimp Shiu Mai, Roast Pork Pastry, Pan-Fried Dumplings. Nom nom nom. The portions were enough for two to share, and each item came out fresh, hot, and bursting with flavor. (Made me a little nostalgic for some Mott St. gyoza, lemme tell 'ya.) Next time I look forward to trying the Egg Tart and the Steamed Sweet Red Bean Paste Bun (Tao Sar Bao, a very common and popular Chinese pastry). The dim sum here is probably the best you'll find in the metro Detroit area (and the ONLY you'll find in the city proper), and is truly top-notch.

“We couldn’t open until we found the best dim sum chef around,” says Wong. “That was a must!”
Done and done.


As for the rest of the menu...some hits, some misses. The options are pretty catch-all Americanese, though they do also offer real Thai curry. The "General Chicken" (as in "General Tso's" or "General Tao's"), which happens to be my fave Americanese dish, was great: crispy deep-fried chicken still crunchy beneath the thick spicy-sweet red sauce that struck just the right chord between heat and sweet. The Egg Drop Soup was hearty and savory. The Yang Chow Fried Rice (with shrimp and BBQ pork) was only edible only once doused--doused--in soy sauce.

First of all, look at that picture. Does that even look like fried rice to you? Plus it's full of peas. I hate peas. Ugh. Blechy blech. Every bite bursting with pea flavor, blech blech blech. Also, where exactly is the fried-ness? This looks (and tasted) like regular 'ol steamed rice made with butter. Now, I am not a fan of utilizing tabletop accoutrements on my dishes (unless it's proper and necessary to the dish, like Vietnamese garlic-fish sauce). Skip the salt and pepper (unless we're talking about scrambled eggs, but ONLY then), and let the dish stand on its own. The way I see it, adding all that extra dressing is in effect destroying the integrity of the dish. And any dish that NEEDS to be dressed up in this way...well, it's probably just not very good to begin with. And so it was with the fried rice.

However, there's more good news: bubble tea. Yes, bubble tea (or, "boba tea"). Bubble tea is tea (sometimes flavored) with milk and "boba" balls, which are made with a mixture of tapioca and carrageenan powder that taste like gummy bears without the flavor. Popular throughout eastern Asia and abundant in Toronto (where I first discovered all its greatness over a decade ago), bubble tea is just now gaining popular momentum in the States thanks to our trendsetting cities on the East and West coasts. At Shangri La, you can order bubble tea in a variety of flavors; I opted for mango and was not disappointed, though perhaps next time I might stick to a more traditional tea flavor. All you bubble tea lovers, rejoice.

Shangri La is a great space in a great location and caters to a previously underserved market of students, professionals, and nearby residents who enjoy authentic (and inexpensive) Chinese cuisine...or just cheap, good food in general. Most dishes are at least satisfactory, but the real star here is the dim sum, and no dining experience here should be complete without first passing around a few such dishes ($2.95-5.95 each, and enough to share). Service is attentive if sometimes a bit awkward, but having only been open since October 1st I would chalk this up to opening "kinks." The restaurant is entirely non-smoking, and they are currently working on adding a sushi bar and acquiring a liquor license. The only thing that could possibly make this dim sum experience any better is if it could be done alongside one of those giant Chinese fishbowl-fire drinks that they only allow you to order one of.

In short: dim sum yum!

"Tai Hing" Means "Public Housing"

I feel bad for my ex-boyfriend. For years all he ever wanted to eat was Chinese food. Every time I would ask him what he wanted, I always knew the answer would be (in an extremely insenstive but humorous faux-Chinese dialect) "Chinese foooood?" And inevitably, I would scrunch my nose and roll my eyes. That man only got Chinese food on Christmas when we were avoiding our families. Same goes for the one that followed, who would sometimes come home with Chinese carry-out for himself and a pizza for me.

(I love pizza.)

And now here I am, ordering myself some damn General Tso's and Egg Foo Young. Sweet irony. Honestly, I think I was tainted by all those years my parents dragged me to this one place that used to be on Gratiot and ordered Sweet and Sour Chicken every. single. time. I hate Sweet and Sour Chicken now because of that. (That place did have those electronic/neon landscape wall art signs that look like they're constantly moving, though...that was kinda cool.)

After an aggressive marketing campaign during which time I would regularly step over menus slipped discreetly under my apartment door, I discovered Tai Hing Express, a strictly carry-out and delivery Chinese eatery located at 1114 Holcomb St. at Jefferson (east of Van Dyke). Out of boredom, hunger, and a fast-growing realization that I quite possible eat too much pizza, I decided to go with this new Chinese place.

A perusal of the menu revealed all of the classics: egg rolls, assorted lo and chow meins, almond chicken, sweet & sour everything possible. Make no mistake: this is very much a generic Chinese-American joint, no different than the hundreds of thousands of generic Chinese-American joints that came before it (often located in strip malls or shopping malls). But hey--I'm not looking for anything fancy, just something tasty. Oh, Tai Hing also caters to the sushi trend, offering a variety of standard tuna/salmon/shrimp/avocado rolls and edamame. Cute, but I stuck with a straight pseudo-Chinese slate.

You gotta love a place where you order by number (it's the hallmark of all Asian eateries): I opted for A34, General Tso's Chicken and Shrimp Egg Foo Young. This also came with Chicken Fried Rice and an Egg Roll, all for just $8.45. I also added a pint of Egg Drop Soup for $1.32. The price is right as the quantity is enough for two; too bad it was so hard to choke down.

First of all: bland-a-roni. And mind you, I was going into this with low expectations. But even the General Tso's chicken, which should at least have a thick, brownish-red, slightly sweet and spicy sauce was BLAND. The rice was BLAND. The soup was BLAND. The Egg Foo Young was disgusting, but that's partially my fault for not remembering how wholly unappealing it was when my father used to order it (it's basically an omelet slathered in a BLAND gravy). The shrimp was also rubbery and tasted like it had been in the freezer for a year. The egg roll was an egg roll, and much like most egg rolls is only really edible when drowning in plum sauce.

Overall the entire experience was disappointing. I wasn't really looking for anything special: maybe just a place to occassionally scratch my General Tso's and fried rice itch, a non-pizza place to deliver food directly to me when I just don't feel like walking all the way out to the parking lot. Nothing fancy; just decent cheap food. Like a Chinese Little Caesar's. What I ultimately ended up with was almost inedible, and even after braving the leftovers most of it still ended up in the trash. I'm all for giving the local holes-in-the-wall a chance, and have often been pleased enough with the results. But this, dear foodie friends, was more than I could stomach. If only blandness could be their worst crime: it was simply unappetizing. Even the fortune cookie was stale. I didn't even know those things could get stale.

So, the search continues for a decent Chinese diner in Detroit. This is one thing I do miss about Macomb County: Chinese eateries are in abundance and most are pretty decent. (My favorite remains to this day Wok Inn on Hayes in Clinton Township, across the street from Lakeside Mall. Their General Tso's is the bomb-diggity but don't take my word for it--click on the link and check out the comments left by Whytegurl 18.)